For those of you who don’t know me, which should be the majority of you, my name is Olivia. I am 22 years old, and I am currently studying abroad Queensland, Australia. I’ll be here until the end of April and then I will come back to the USA for two weeks, and then I will be traveling all through Europe until the end of August. I have a blog, a real blog, which documents my trips and talks about my experiences as a regular person. However, because everybody is linked to that blog, I can’t necessarily write what I really think. So, I created Olivia, and my secretales to do all the talking for me.
I’ve been in Australia for two weeks now, and so far I don’t like it. I’m trying to keep an open mind, but it’s tough because I don’t like most of the people I’ve met. I have yet to meet anyone that is interested in the arts, or good conversation, and most importantly someone that is a lesbian. I met a nice gay guy at CBD, a bar at a hotel that is within walking distance. However, he seemed like his main concern was to party and to hook up with other attractive tan gay men, which is fine by me, but not what I am looking for in a friend.
I have a few people I do like. One’s name is Stacey (goes to school with me), the other is Taylor (she goes to school in the Midwest) and Stacey’s friend Kat (who went to HS with Stacey). They are all nice, and straight, but are ok with gay people. The people I don’t like, Meredith (she’s from the Midwest and chose to go to college in her hometown, she doesn’t have any concept of open-mindedness and is very conservative. She’s judgmental, which makes no sense to me because she is ugly and short. I, at first, didn’t mind her, but then realized she didn’t like me and noticed her snarly remarks towards me and had changed my positioning on her. The group I’ve been hanging out with likes Meredith, which makes so sense to me, but I think in part it has to do with the group think, following attitude everybody has). Theresa (she’s from the midatlantic and goes to school in the Midwest. She belongs to a non-drinking sorority and her sorority consumes her life. It’s basically like being part of a convent. Except, she has a boyfriend that she plans on marrying. She’s also unattractive and will make snarly comments too. But, she’s not intolerable. I like her as a person to talk to on occasion, but she is not someone I would typically want to be friends with). My roommate (It’s not that I don’t like her, but she’s not exactly someone I would normally be friends with. Because she’s overweight, more overweight than I am, I’ve come to realize how disgusting it really is to be fat and have made more of a conscious effort to workout while I am here. I guess, for that, she is a good roommate to have because she motivates me to be better, just by existing with her small town, fat self). The rest of the people I’ve been hanging out with I neither love nor dislike and thus they remain unnamed. They’re meaningless. They’re followers and have absolutely nothing interesting to say, which is good and bad. Good because you can just start talking small talk to them and they think that makes a nice friendship, bad because it makes them terribly boring and not worth my time.
Well, Thursday, January 14th I met a guy on the bus to the club. Our school is obsessed with going to clubs, so during orientation week they had a bus to a club almost every night. His name is Ben. I’m not really sure how he got on the bus because he’s 30 and not a student. He thought he was going to be a student, but his work told him that he didn’t need to get a degree in management because he already is a manager and is doing a fine job. He’s a physical therapist and lives right around the corner from the school I go to. I didn’t really know he was interested in me until we got to the club. I noticed that on the bus he was talking to me, but all Australians are pretty friendly, so I just assumed we were having friendly conversation. Then, when I got into the club, I kind of parted ways and I ran back into him about 10 minutes later. He immediately started talking to me and next thing you know we are sitting down and he asked if I wanted a drink. I said sure, because I don’t like to let such generous offers pass me by, and next thing you know I’m drinking a couple of drinks with him and his friend. Well, we start to dance and I notice that he’s really hard and it turned me on a bit. So we continued to dance all night. Some of my friends think I’m straight here, but they haven’t asked so I haven’t had to tell them anything other than what ahs been going on here. Ben and I ended up dancing all night and he even kissed me and we also made out at the club. His kissing style was good, but weird. He only kissed with his lips, no tongue at all. I’m the type that will do mostly lips but I like some tongue in there too. They weren’t bad kisses for a guy, but there is nothing better than kissing a woman in my opinion. I especially like kissing the girl I had been dating back at home, Sara. She’s a good kisser, and I think that’s because everything about our styles and our mouths/bodies fit together – she’s also ok with play kissing. Play kissing is when you kiss just wildly for fun, rubbing tongue against teeth and teeth against lips and all sorts of nonsensical things you can only get away with when you’ve been with someone for a while. The other weird thing is that he came off as a bit gay. He lives in a house full of guys that are all physical therapists. While Ben and I were dancing his friend kept poking him with a glow stick and I just thought it was the weirdest thing. Ben is an attractive guy, he’s muscular, has blue eyes and an angled face, he’s tall and is just stereotypically a nice looking guy. He is also extremely nice, not once did he insinuate that he wanted me to sleepover or anything like that, which is a sharp contrast from what I’ve experienced with guys in the US. After we were done grinding on each other at the club, he asked if I wanted to catch a cab back to campus with him and his friend. I said sure and on our way out we stopped at another bar. This bar seemed to have a lot of guys dancing with each other so I asked Ben, “Is this a gay bar?” And he said, “I’m not gay.” Which I thought was a weird response, and I quickly said, “Oh I know you’re not but this place seems a little gay. Which is fine by me, I love gay people.” Little does he know how much I really do love gay people, but I figure why ruin something that could potentially be an interesting ride… or at the very least an interesting story. Well, I got in a cab back with them and we spent some time talking on the porch and when he walked me home we ended up making out and dry humping and it was all a lot of fun. While we were doing it, I tried forgetting about Sara, but in the back of my mind I kept thinking of her. I also had debated suggesting we do more, but I didn’t really feel like it and decided to keep this a relatively PG experience. He walked me back to my dorm and gave me a kiss goodnight. As I walked back to my room I kept thinking how weird it was to have experienced this with a guy. It made me uncomfortable thinking about how OK I was with it. I think part of the reason I felt so weird about it was because I miss Sara so much.
Two nights after that experience, I called him on my way home from a friend’s place and asked if he wanted to hang out. I was feeling a little horny and was hoping we’d do something fun when I came over. But because he is so nice, and I think afraid of making me uncomfortable, all we did was sit on his porch and talk. He also showed me the Southern Cross, which is in the sky and can only be seen if you’re in the Southern Hemisphere. I didn’t think it was going to be such a simple thing, but it still was cool. So we didn’t end up doing anything that night. Since then I have talked to him via text and yesterday he asked me if I wanted to go to get lunch with him. I couldn’t go because I was going to a pub-crawl in two hours, and it just wouldn’t have given me enough time. I think he likes me, and I want to like him, but I’m not really sure if I will or can. I’m not going to cut ties just yet, because it’s still too soon to tell.
I wish there was a girl here I could like. Even if they didn’t like me back, and only wanted to be my friend, I’d love to have a real companion: someone who understands what I am saying when I say it and has the same appreciation for similar things as I do. I went to a gay bar and I didn’t see anyone that seemed interested in me. I’m going to go again, by myself, so I don’t have girls next to me who might insinuate a connection that doesn’t really exist.
I’ve been at the library now for 2 hours and haven’t really gotten any work done. I’m tired after the pub-crawl. Tonight I am keeping it low key. I should go update my “real” blog now.
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