As many of you might have heard, Central Valley activist Robin McGehee was arrested last week in front of the White House, apparently protesting DADT. I’ve known Robin for a long time and I have a lot of respect for many things that’s she’d done to help further the cause of gay right and equality for our community. As of late, she has taken a razor sharp focus on gay marriage, despite her own relationship seemingly falling apart late last year. Here is my issue with Robin’s arrest…
Just days before Robin’s arrest, her and Kip Williamns announced the launch of their own national organization GetEqual. If you’ll remember, Robin and Kip had a very public departure from Cleve Jones and the Equality March folks very soon after helping to organize the event in Washington, D.C. So here’s my issue: If you announce the launch of a new venture, don’t you lose or damage your credibility if you get arrested “protesting” two days later? Was this really activism or simply a timely publicity stunt aimed at garnering free press?
Being persecuted for what you believe is one thing, seeking the spotlight or intentionality trying to get in front of the camera in order to get your name out there is quite another. Maybe it was just poor timing or perhaps she got caught up in the moment. I think leaders should probably show better judgment in such matters or maybe I’m being too hard on her. All I know is that it felt odd to me and it struck me as a bit…staged.
So. As we work on what it means to be freed of the o nect of our fears we’re having these little IDE’s of understanding. One of which is how we deal in relation to sex these days.
Well frankly Philip, it’s a tangle (The Lion In Winter). For most of our life, up to the last six months, we had to deal with alot of physical pain around sex. This has been fixed so we now have this new toy, orgasm, which frankly is a really marvelous thing, right? Because the pain is gone, we are able to be there for it. Another marvel. By not dissociating to avoid that horrid ouchie we have a shiny new toy that frankly takes up alot of our thought. Understandably so. It has been especially great for our marriage, which is pretty obvious why. We get to figure out how it works which is well just the bee’s knees haha.
There’s a very scary component here. As there are very many scary things about sex for any survivor. Since we’re awake we have to deal with the emotional connection that grows. We are happy in it but there is that frust bugaboo that’s so tough to work with. But we are getting there. Well worth the risk as we are finding out.
Also we are on hormones for menopause, one of the pleasant side effects of which is a spiked libido. Nice.
So there are all of these great things going on around sex, but there is one place that really really stings. And thanks to it we objectify the whole sex thing. Which as a feminist is just so much not so much.
It has to do with body ownership and the right to do with it what we want. If seems our body was fakeN from us by our perpetrators when we were so you g that we hasn’t really formed a sense of physical ownership. And since our violations came at a level of bodily integrity…that is all that we know. The concept that we physically belong to ourself seems so foreign we can’t wrap our head around it. We don’t even really know what it can mean. When you cross this concept with issues regarding acceptance of sex as something we get to have now, consensual and all, things get really painful and confusing really quickly.
So in order to claim our physical being and it’s right to have a sexlife we have had to distance ourself from it. Keep it outside ourself so we can look at it. Toss it around in our brain.
And that means objectification. Ugh, how completely unflattering. T mentioned the other day that we sound like a frat boy of something and she is absolutely right. But we know of no other way to sort of “try on” these issues of ownership from a connected place. Hurts just way too much. Just way too confusing.
We getthat this is a very temporary way to handle this whole thing. It is not who we are at all. But for right now we have no other ideas as to bow to go about putting sex in it’s context that’s appropriate for us. We’re trying to see it as an opportunity foe growth and to no judge ourselves too harshly. Bu it is not easy, we do ‘t naturally let ourselves off the hook.
SElf-realization is a truly great gift. But along with the good discoveries there must also be areas that need some…work. So here’s a very unflattering one. Not so much.
I just finished watching 2 documentaries. One on the current Haiti post earthquake and the other on the Boxing Day 2004 Tsunami. Last weekend, I had watched a tsunami one using footage filmed by people at the sites while the waves destroyed everything and they were interviewed about what they went through and who they lost.
It’s impossible to watch these without crying. It astonishes me how in the Haiti one, the geologist who’s the on camera narrator and main character, insomuch as documentaries about events and science have a main character, is able to go about his photos and observations without crying.
I guess at some point the horror is just too overwhelming, but I couldn’t help but interprete some real glee and excitement in many of the geologists in talking about we knew this was going to happen, we just didn’t know when.
And I know that data is critical to gather while it’s fresh, but it’s just a bit hard to take watching a calm man get excited over cracks in the ground, upthrust areas and sunken areas, while in the background of the shots, people are digging through rubble trying to find loved ones or some in tact item from their former life.
The geologist talks about the overwhelming stench of death in the air, and it strikes me that that isn’t all that has a bad odour.
A huge part of what caused the enormous death toll and destruction wasn’t the heavily populated area on a fault line, but the lack of a building code and no infrastructure to enforce any.
Most heavily populated areas are in some kind of disaster zone. The next time Vesuvius blows like it did for Pompeii, and 2 million + people live in the immediate area…… well, it would be the worse natural disaster in recorded history.
It’s the word, natural, that kept jumping out at me while watching the documentaries.
In the Five Years later, one village had been reduced from 6000 people to 1200 – with only 400 women and 8 children five years later. The older children who had survived were now teenagers, orphaned, and largely leaving the village without an education for other places for work.
While the village had been rebuilt – and to new stronger building codes, the tourists were not returning. Partly because no destination hotel or resort was rebuilt and this was largely owing to a fundamentalist Islamic group that had descended on the site in the immediate aftermath to help clear debris, bury bodies and begin the rebuilding.
But, they didn’t leave. They remained and told everyone that the disaster was divine punishment. They put Sharia Law in place and they police the village. Some villagers became devote, others, not as much and for the most part, these are the ones who are leaving.
How do you make sense of the senseless? The destruction, the loss of life, not even being able to bury the body of your loved one.
My mind goes blank trying to comprehend it even.
But, what doesn’t make sense is to accept that the disaster was somehow caused by human social or moral behaviour. Nor does it make sense to then turn to the very deity that, let’s face it, pretty much allowed the disaster to occur.
Disasters really should spell the end for deities. If deities are all powerful, then why allow a disaster to kill so many, destroy so much. Do you really want to beleive that all the dead babies were going to be evil? Or that their parent or sibling are, so the baby had to die to punish them?
Really? Evil babies?
We know what causes disasters – the tectonic plates shifting, subduction, releasing pressure and the earth quakes and when that shift displaces water, we have the tsunami. Wind and differing water/air temperatures cause hurricanes, and wind conditions tornadoes. Volcanoes are welling super heated magma from the earth’s mantle.
There is no reason to think that any deity is using this natural events to punish people.
There’s no reason to think that a deity spared particular people either. What kind of so called loving deity picks and chooses?
When Katrina happened, many religious leaders claimed it was to punish sinners and because abortion was legal and gays/lesbians were tolerated.
Imagine hearing that – you’re in New Orleans, your city is under water, your home is gone, you are separated from your family, there’s little in the way of water, food or help.
And some moron in a suit’s biggest concern is Roe v Wade and gay marriage?
One of the underlying issues of disasters is being prepared for them. And most of us are not.
Cities need to prepare with building codes and enforcement to minimize damage before it happens. With infrastructure, disaster routes and an informed population.
At higher government levels, there needs to be first responders and aid agencies on call. And that needs funding.
What it doesn’t need are fundies of any religious bent.
Consider a fundie politician who genuinely believes that disasters are divine punishment.
What this means is that he is certain that the disaster is the deity’s plan. Is he really going to vote for funding to mitigate a disaster and thwart a deity’s plan?
Is he going to be willing to vote to spend money on aid to help people the disaster missed?
Is he going to be willing to spend money on large scale mitigation, like proper levees, water barricades, public disaster shelters?
And then you have to wonder, will these same politicans also vote to protect the environment locally and with climate change on the horizon, especially when that conflicts with business?
After all, if the rapture is coming and the deity is going to fix it all, why should we now?
Or, if we’re all or most of us are doomed, again, they are going to interfere with that?
So, as much as I thought that the geologists weren’t emotional about the disaster because they were too focused on learning what they could about the disaster in front of them, I realize that the reason this focus is there is so that they can learn and save lives in the future.
Something that the religious zealots are not interested in. They want to hurry the endtimes and be rewarded now. Because they fear dying and things like the rapture are along the lines of Don’t Pass Go, Don’t Collect $200, go straight to jail – only the opposite good mean – don’t die, go direct to heave where you get to look down and see everyone suffering on earth.
And it’s really funny to me that people who believe that there’s an afterlife, fear death and dying.
Funny weird and to a lesser extent, funny ha ha.
People who understand that disaster are natural and arbitrary, know that life is precious because it’s the only one we have.
We have to learn as much as we can to prevent and reduce future deaths. We have to see that disasters are natural. And we have to spend money to mitigate and reduce disasters before they happen, whether they are going to happen in 10, 50 or 100 years.
We need to look at cities that are below sea level and vulnerable and build the safety systems to a 500 year standard – if we ensure the defenses can withstand a category 6, then anything else below that is inconvenient, not utter destruction.
We need to look at cities in any danger zone has appropriate and enforced building codes, exit routes, close by disaster relief resources, and capacity to evacuate if there’s an ability to give notice or after to relocate and reunite people (and their pets).
We need warning systems that span regions, not just here and there in an uncoordinated manner.
The earthquake in Alaska in the 1960’s caused tsunami damage down the coast of British Columbia and into California – where deaths occured. No one at the time knew that the event were related.
We improve technologies, we conduct research and explore new ideas about disasters and we can save lives and the property and infrastructure damage is minimized to help those lives carry on.
It’s okay for people to turn to a faith for personal comfort, but it’s not okay to rely on those religions to help us avoid or recover collectively from those disasters.
College of the Sequoias professor Robin McGehee was arrested today in front of the White House, for participating in a “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” protest rally. Also arrested was Lt. Dan Choi, and Capt Jim Pietrangelo, after they handcuffed themselves to the fence in front of the Executive Mansion.
Lt. Dan Choi and Capt. Jim Pietrangelo handcuffed themselves to the White House fence. Both were later arrested. More at America Blog.
Pictures from MeetintheMiddle for Equality, Huffington Post and America Blog.
This post is the seventh post in a series of coverage from the Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference 2010, that took place Feb. 19 to Feb. 21, at the University of Wisconsin – Madison.
Kate Bornstein discusses binaries and overcoming them at MBLGTACC.
Kate Bornstein — transgender femme and author of Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws; Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us; and My Gender Workbook — asked the audience about life and what makes it worth living.
While there is a myriad of answers to that venerable question, Bornstein cited fair and equal access to the resources people need as a life essential.
People have identities and desires that intertwine with power, determining one’s access to resources. This has nothing to do with how much money one has, but how someone uses power to meet their needs. Identity, desire and power intersect; building up one of them, raises up the other two as well.
Social norms or rules influence identities and desire, with most individuals obeying the rules of society; however, these rules can be deadly if the person doesn’t fit into them, creating a hierarchical system of oppression. The kyriarchy, or intersectional top of the identity heap, comes out on top.
Binaries, like the gender binary of male and female, are social structures used to marginalized people.
“Binaries mark systems of oppressions,” Bornstein said. “The only time two elements of a binary are equal is in a vacuum.”
Race is also a binary: A person is either white or not. There are lots or different races, but the binary system masks the inequalities between the two. These either/or situations can become very dangerous.
Bornstein indicated deconstructing these binaries is the key to overcoming them.
To deconstruct these binaries, coalitions must be built among groups fighting to end all types of oppression. Bornstein denounced the notion of allies; she wants community members, suggesting we add a few more letters on to LGBT:
The either/or binary occurs when a culture or community tries to improve life, so how do we make our community a safe, fun place to get real and live queer? Bornstein advocates one mantra: Don’t be mean.
“I know how to stay alive in a world that would rather see me dead,” Bornstein said. “Please do anything it takes to make your life worth living, except be mean.”
The gay rights movement in recent decades has led, slowly but surely, to the gradual emancipation of homosexuals. In the more developed and democratic countries of the world, the estimated 10% of the population that are homosexual is no longer forced to hide behind closed doors, but may enjoy a fruitful ‘out’ life. Yet it is still glaringly obvious that our society is filled with those who are disillusioned with the increasing acceptance of homosexuality. They hate, and discriminate against homosexuals, for a variety of reasons.
Being the passionate rights activist that I am, I of course, on many grounds, oppose such baseless hatred. However, unlike many of them, who make their claims based on completely unfounded assertions, as I will show below; I will prove my belief today, to be one backed up both by our common sense and human empathy, as well as pure, solid logic.
The premise of the views I wish to express today is based on two fundamental beliefs, which I must declare here in full openness, so that you too may understand. Firstly: the belief that homosexuality is not a choice.
So many homophobes try to assume, whenever they belittle the gay population, that they have made a conscious lifestyle choice to become homosexual. I believe that they are wrong on two grounds. Firstly, it is very much an argumentum ad ignorantiam to say that they have made a choice simply because no one can prove that they have not. Homophobes, assuming their own heterosexuality, simply are unable to possess a homosexual and understand his psyche – just as we can never truly comprehend someone’s soul. But with the limitations of human anatomy, is it not sufficient for us to believe that homosexuality is not a choice when so many homosexuals say so themselves? Do we really need to see it to believe it? Secondly, it is absurd to think that when someone makes a conscious choice about their life, they would choose a path which would guarantee them hatred and prejudice from so many people. Surely a choice is meant to obtain the greatest happiness possible. If homosexuality was a choice, knowing that so many blind and ignorant fools would oppose their ‘chosen’ sexuality, why would 10% of the population be so stupid as to raise the ire of such large numbers of people? Common sense, my dear friends – I doubt anyone would be quite as asinine as that.
Secondly, I believe that homosexuality is born, not made. This is different from saying that homosexuality is not a choice, since there are those who contend that homosexuality is the cause of the environment in which children grow up, so while they do not make a choice, they are made into homosexuals, rather than born with the genetic codes that tell them they are homosexual. The reasons they give us include: a dominant father, a dominant mother, a weak father, a weak mother, and other reasons attributed to family and friends. I note with interest the contradictory reasons that are thrown up – indeed, when all environmental factors are considered to be causes of homosexuality, the conclusion is that NO environmental factors are. To throw even more cold water over this ridiculous assertion, science has proven to us that homosexuality is a genetic trait – it is inherited, just like your eye colour, your ability to roll your tongue, your hair quality (whether it is curly, wavy, or straight) and so on.
Homosexuality is not a choice. It is innate.
These two beliefs underpin all my further analyses today – and I urge those of you who already heartily disagree with my two stated beliefs above, not to continue to plough your way through this piece. Let us first look at some of the common reasons given for opposing homosexuality:
1. Homosexual sex is unnatural (and disgusting)
It goes without saying that for two gay men (the most common recipients for discrimination based on sexual orientation), they can only enjoy penetrative sexual relations either by oral sex or anal sex. The latter form of sexual enjoyment is one that has historically aroused much controversy. I find homophobes claiming this to be highly hypocritical – after all, there are many heterosexual men who enjoy anal sex themselves, with women. Yet their hate is singularly directed towards homosexual men. I will explain this below, but let me just point out here the obvious double standards employed. If a man and a woman can enjoy such a ‘disgusting’ sexual act, surely a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, surely have such a right to enjoy it as well. As for it being unnatural – when science has revealed homosexual sheep that mate exclusively with fellow males, it really does not add much weight to that particular argument. You could argue for it being unnatural because it does not lead to reproduction, but then neither does oral sex, yet teenagers – especially those in North America, no offence intended – enjoy a ‘quick blow’ so frequently that it almost seems likely a vast majority of the population take part in unnatural sex anyway.
2. The Bible says it’s wrong!
Religion – how great its influence can be, and how much is everything related to it! ‘No man is to have sexual relations with another man; God hates that,’ it is written in Leviticus. If we take the Old Testament by its every word though, we would have to accept as rightful Sarai actually telling Abram to sleep with her slave, Hagar, and then chasing her from the house when she got pregnant. We would also have a people marching into foreign, occupied lands, burn down their cities and destroy everything though they were entirely unprovoked. I do not undermine the Christian faith in any way, but the Bible is not law. Its literal interpretation is not the Christian faith – rather, it is the reinforcement of the values that are dear in any faith, the main gist, message and corollary of the whole text that is meaningful. The same goes for any other religious text. Do not oppose anything – such as homosexuality – based solely on your faith, but try to analyze, to understand, and to learn more, before making an informed judgement.
3. Homosexuality…next we’ll have bestiality, paedophilia and incest running rampant
This is one of the most common, yet most skewed arguments I have ever heard against homosexuality – the legendary slippery-slope of disappearing moral values. How homosexuality would ever lead to bestiality, to paedophilia and then to incest I simply do not understand. This reflects nothing except the obvious misunderstandings and misconceptions many people have about homosexuals. How does being attracted to someone of your own sex mean that you are attracted to animals, or to children, or to someone in your own family? I do not think this point really needs more condemnation. It falls of its own accord, and is a joke of an argument.
When it comes to gay marriage, then, the wild reasons we hear about why it simply cannot be implemented can be truly mind-boggling. Ignorance, stupidity, foolishness are laced into these arguments, and it does make for much laughing:
1. The population would decrease.
I could not believe it, but in a debate training session I organized, this was a reason someone gave against gay marriage. This is unreasonable for two reasons. Firstly, let us think why the population would decrease. It would not, because homosexuals, if they are intent on pursuing a homosexual life, would not marry and would not have children anyway. Gay marriage does not change that. Those who force them into unhappy marriages are not in the majority. The population is not impacted significantly. Secondly, what if the population does decrease? It is not about the quantity of life that is important, but the quality. Having 10% of the population being upset and discontented, just because of their sexual orientation, simply cannot be justified by having thousands more to feed and clothe.
2. Their adopted ‘children’ would lack a female/male influence.
The classic argument against gay adoptions – that male gay couples would raise children that do not have a female figure in their lives to, somehow, mollify them and soften them, and the opposite for lesbian couples. I find this intriguing that the same standard does not apply to bachelors or spinsters adopting children because they have not been married – surely an adopted child in such a case would not have the influence of one of another gender either? Besides, many children even live with a single parent, either because of divorce or the untimely passing of a parent, but no one ever bars them from living with their only parent. It is absurd to adopt such differing standards – in fact, I would call it blatant discrimination.
3. It would undermine the sanctity of marriage.
Homosexuals being allowed to marry, it has been claimed, would lead to the entire sacred institution of marriage to lose all sanctity and respectability. I deplore, however, how allowing two men or two women that you do not know to marry would cause your own marriage to fall apart. Surely they would not affect your everyday life? Surely their being happy would not decrease your own happiness? It is unfair, unjust, and unreasonable to think that two homosexuals marrying would lead to, in any way, the demise of an unrelated heterosexual marriage.
After showing, hopefully logically, that the arguments against homosexuality and gay marriage are so unfounded and unreasonable, I would like to point out the REAL reason that people oppose homosexuality is actually because they are different. They naturally oppose a minority group because it is easy to oppress them, and it is easy to find allies who support you. The homosexual demographic is an easy target because of its relative smaller proportion in any population. History is filled with examples of minority groups being targeted because they are different. Afro-Americans were looked down on because of their skin colour. The natives of South America were all but exterminated by the invading Spaniards because they were so utterly different. Likewise, the stigma attached to homosexuals is unfair, but the world could not care less. Homophobia is really ill-conceived misunderstanding and perhaps fear, and I believe Voltaire’s quote summarizes it nicely: ‘Prejudice is opinion without judgement.’
We live in a society that prides itself on upholding human rights. We have a nerve to call ourselves that if we cannot even stop prejudice, cruel, unrelenting, wanton discrimination against a vulnerable minority group in our society. The rationale behind homophobia is fear and misunderstanding of people who are different. I stand for the rights of all human beings, regardless of age, origin, race, skin colour, or sexual orientation. I cherish this belief greatly, and hope that you will, too.
Tom Purcell hosts a professional men’s mixer every other Friday at various establishments all over the Fresno/Clovis area. If you’re looking for something fun and social to do before you head out on the town this Friday night, then you should check out this older, professional event. Here are the specifics:
Friday, March 19, 6pm
North India @ 80 W. Shaw
Clovis, California 93612
If you haven’t had a chance to attend or haven’t been in a while, then you should definitely check out this very chill, low key event for professional gay men.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Gaycakes has featured in a number of places this week as the pictures from the Mardi Gras Dinner at the Zoo event hits the press. It is very exciting to see one of your creations appear in the papers that you read every week.
I spent the evening with the lovely Pam from ZenDiva Natural Soy & Palm Wax Candles. She made the most amazing themed candles as Bombonniere for the event. A beautiful black & white theme with kissing zebras. Whilst our cake “grabs the headlines” it is little touches like Pam’s candles that added some real glamour to the tables…and unlike the cake which is long gone….I am still burning my candle and remembering the night each time I light it !!!
I am mentioning Pam as she put a great deal of effort into the event and showed herself to be a real supporter of the marriage equality cause (and pics of candles find it hard to compete with pictures of half naked bods at the Mardi Gras Party ; )
Heeeeeeyyy biiiiitcheeees! Welcome back to brokenspine! It’s been way too long since our last update. Let’s just say that the last 3 months we were real busy fighting off hordes of supermodels and money; y’know, being wannabe internet comedy writers and all. So after putting them bitches in their proper place, we got down and dirty and finally got around to posting some new content for our beloved readers. So here it is, the highly anticipated sequel to INL 1.0.0, the creatively titled INL 1.0.1!
So about this sequel: it’s different from the original one in that it’s a bit less retarded but the plot is more organized. The humour is also different. Anyhoo, you guys will notice them as you read.
The INL Archives
Episode 1.0.1
-Aaand we’re live once again with the Clan of Redundancy Clan!
We rejoin our heroes in their epic, chat-based adventure-
Jspwn: ahm, nao that tits teh end of teh end of epasoad 1.0.O, we can go too UC?
Bigmac: LOL! yuo saed tits!
Jspwn: wtf, is onli typo.
Ecksbocks: lol, joo thingck of tits all teh tiem, jyoo pervart!
Jspwn: omg, i saed is onli a typo!
Kamatisun: pfft, dun mind Alphabhitler and hees fello grammer nazi brothar. and yh, we go to UC nao.
Obaman: nooo, UC ees boring! theres no to do thar!
Jspwn: camaaaaan, i nids to go UC foar to..
Obaman: whut? foar too?
Jspwn: ahm..
Obaman: …
Jspwn: …
Lechonbaboy: omg yuo niga lesbo butt-lovar, yuuo dun no why joo want too go UC!?
Jspwn: well, it seem liek fun at phurst..
Sagingniahia: ffs, enuff of dis shit, yo. I say we goes to stromwind and pwn sum allys!
Obaman: yeaa!
Ecksbocks: fuk yeah!
Kamatisun: no.
Sagingniahia: wut. y?
Kamatisun: nah, jk. i like too sae no to ppls evan tho it is completly inapporiaaet respons coz i thinck its funny even tho its not actually funny.
Ecksbocks: lol, taht’s retarded.
Kamatisun: no.
Ecksbocks: stfu.
Kamatisun: no. lol
Ecksbocks: omg dun maek me ahve to use caps lo-
Kamatisun: noooooooooooooo-
ECKSBOCKS: OK FUKFAEC, YUO MAED ME USE CAPS! RAAWWWWRR-
Ecksbocks was kicked from the server by Ochatach. Reason: caps
Kamatisun: hahahahahha
Kamatisun was kicked from the server by Ochatach. Reason: schadenfreude
Jspwn: lolwut
[Blackbord] has come online
Blackbord: hay guise! guess waht!1
Obaman: wat
Blackbord: lol, oh mayn, joo poor niggars dun no what ur messing!
[Ecksbocks] has come online
[Kamatisun] has come online
Ecksbocks: wow, old ochy’s still going strong huh.
Kamatisun: yur.
Jspwn: lol, yuo gaise got pwnt.
Sagingniahia: omg, tell us bfore i slap teh black of ur faec.
Blackbord: listenn up fags– i just finished dlownloading teh ne- OW WTF, yuo slapped mee!!
Sagingniahia: soz, its a reflex thing. won’t happen again.
Blackbord: well it better not hapen again. anewaise, i just finished downlaoding teh new wow patch, and tehn i read teh patch notes and find taht- ARGH SAGIN YUO SON OF BITCH
Sagingiahia: wll it kill yuo to get a naem change to something wihtout “black” in itt? i can;t halp maiself.
Blackbord: well go fuk ursalf in littel ass. so i read in patch note and saw taht, omg, sylvannas has new model!!1
Obaman: srs?? pics nao omg.
Lechonbaboy: yeyeye picsssssssss
Blackbord: k gimme a sec..
hey baby, where have you been all my un-life?"
Blackbord: thar. hawt, no?
Obaman: OMG
Jspwn: OMG
Bigmac: OMG
*Everyone except Blackbord goes offline and installs the new patch. the perverts. Then, afterwards, everybody goes back online.
Obaman: gaise we nids to get too uc nao!
Ecksbocks: yea, TO THE UDNERCITY!1
Blackbord: guise, waet! there’s somethin els-
Lechonbaboy: k portel to UC is ready nao.
Blackbord: nooooo fffuuuuuu-
*Everyone ports to UC!
Blackbord: -ccccckkkkkk!
Blackbord: omg yuo cunts, we need to gtfo f hurr!
Obaman: lol black, dun be a pussy. now tiem to get me some hawt banshee tail OMG WTF IS TAHT1!1
Abomination: HAI
Ecksbocks: lul, dun wory, is jsut a udnercity guaridan. they only attack allies. knob.
Abomination: RAWR ME KILL YUO NAO K
Ecksbocks: wait, taht dun sound rite.
Bigmac: oh no u dont! i can tanck! caman gaise we can do thi- ffs dun ran!!
Kamatisun: soz sagin, bat i r ret pally for a reson, and it’s foar to ran fast. cya lolo- OMG ANOTHAR 1!!
Abomination2: THERS NO ECSAPE FROM UR FAET K
Jspwn: aaaaaaaaaaaaa
*Abominations keel everybody. After ressing at the nearest spirit healer:
Ecksbocks: wtf just happened?
Blackbord: it’s waht i’ve been trying to tell yuo walking brain-leaks about befoar lechon lesbian niggar hur ported us too UC.
Lechonbaboy: hey who u callin lesbian nig- oh god, *pukes*
Sagingniahia: what the- aw man, just wehn i decided to hav mai shield polished!
Lechonbaboy: soz. ress sickness. i feeling bettar nao.
Blackbord: ew. anywaise, theres sum srs shiet goin down in teh udnercity. is liek, sum undead guy wiff powar issues stole udenercity from horde, so nao horde and allies r gon pwn heem to get back teh undericty.
Kamatisun: ohh, NAO u tell us. fag
Blackbord: wtf, i jsut saed i try to tell yuo gais- u know what, nvm.
Obaman: taht’s kewl and all, but WHERE TEH HELLS IS SYLVANAS
Bigmac: hao should i kno? let’s go ask sum locals.
Obaman: k – oh i c sum1! hay yuo! come ovar hur!
Razorface: gr33tings frands, of waht assistans may i be of u todae?
Ecksbocks: helo, we just wanted to kno where teh lady sylvanas is residing as of teh momant.
Razorface: oh! yuo ppls r gon join teh fight foar teh undercity?
Bigmac: ahm, no not exactly..
Razorface: oh. so if ur not joining teh war, tehn i guess u just want to ogle lady sylvanas’ new physique?
Lechonbaboy: no, we just wan to see her tits, is all.
Razorface: i see.. unfortunetely, teh lady sylvanas is in teh front liens of teh wor. to get to her, yuo mast join teh battle and fiet ur way in.
Obaman: k wahr do we sign up?
Blackbord: wut- srsly? ur gonna risk ur lief just to c sylvanas’s tits? rly??
Obaman: yh. why not? lol
Blackbord: I – fien, imma sign up too, but is foar to liberate uc, not to check sylvanas out k.
Lechonbaboy: suit ursalf. qu33r.
Razorface: ok tehn. imma go call teh war recruiter. *leaves*
Jspwn: awsum. i can;t wait lol
*A bit later,
Gangstahomie: heeeeeyyyy, wazzhappenin!?
Kamatisun: wut, who r u?
Gangstahomie: ahm the war recruiter mah niggas! redy to get down nd dirty in the uc?
Sagingniahia: u bet!!
Gangstahomie: awright tehn, just sign ur naems on this hur piece o papah. adn tehn we’ll- hold on niggas, we got awselves a predicamentt!
Ecksbocks: waht’s teh problem??
Gangstahomie: yuo niggas need a 15 man raid grouop! theres onli 8 of yuo! ohh snap!
Blackbord: aw taht’s too bad. guess we’ll haff to go see sylvanas sum othar tiem, rite guise?
Obaman: awwwww mayn..
Kamatisun: no.
Ecksbocks: adn there he goas again wiff teh no’s. STFU KAMA.
Kamatisun: no, tihs tiem is srsly no. we can haz teh 15 man rgroup!
Blackbord: aw hell no, no wai i r pugging this.
Kamatisun: no lol, not pug. i shall summon teh.. LEGION KAMATIS!!
Obaman: omg yaaaaaaaay!
Jspwn: go summon naooooo
Kamatisun: k. gief me till teh next epasoad to summon mai legions.
Jspwn: k.. end of epasoad 2! nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOoooOooOOoo
-End of Episode 2-
Teh Cast (in order of appearance [real names in WoW ])
Jayson as Jspwn
Little boy as Sagingniahia
Loybin as Lechonbaboy/ Obaman
Cyrill as Ecksbocks/ Blackbord
Carlo as Kamatisun / Legion Kamatis
Joshua as Razorface/ Gangstahomie
For INL ver 1.0.0 please visit. http://itlogniloybin.webs.com/
I feel ashamed of myself, yet at the same time, I don’t. My memory of last nights’ events are somewhat blurred, but I know that something has gone terribly wrong.
In celebration of an eighteenth birthday, a group of my friends went out in the search of food and alcohol. Being young, with money, and a Friday night, this no-doubt turn out to be a very enjoyable evening – not to mention, it was a celebration!
The problem comes in with “Jenny”. See a few months ago she kissed another girl, even though she had a girlfriend already. In short, this has caused massive issues within the friendship group. Jenny’s girlfriend (somewhat understandably) does not wish to spend any amount of time with the other girl (whom I shall name Amy). For the most part, this has been relatively easy to maintain; it’s very rare that we’ll all come together, and where they are actually faced with being within each others’ presence. However, last night was an exception to that. The birthday-person wanted all of their friends there, so Jenny, Amy and the Girlfriend were going to be together.
By the time we had arrived at the restaurant, quite a few of us had a bit to drink. Admittedly, I believe I was fairly drunk… But I was happy drunk. Talking nonsense drunk. Party-mood drunk.
A few of us went to the toilets, and Jenny and Amy were waiting with me in queue. When I made it into the cubicle, all hell broke loose. As far as I was aware, I was doing a pee, and then the Girlfriend comes along, and finds Jenny and Amy talking. The Girlfriend, far from being happy at the sight of Amy, let alone her communicating with Jenny (despite them being long-time best friends), sparked off a huge row.
Being drunk, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I thought I could hide out in the toilets for a while, but then I realised I actually wanted to get my food… And I didn’t really want to hear Jenny and her Girlfriend arguing. So I left.
I get to the table, inform the others (who are unaware of the outbreak of this incident) that there’s a slight issue. We then start ordering our food.
Then Jenny appears, I decided (rightly or wrongly – I can’t decide if this was a wise option or not), to follow her outside and ask her how she was. She wasn’t too happy, and asked me to go back inside. As I walk back to the others, the Girlfriend walks past me and outside. I then go up to everyone else, who are now collecting their things. I’m completely bewildered.
It appeared that we had been kicked out of the restaurant. The Girlfriend (when she came out of the toilets), walked past Amy and pushed her. However, standing behind Amy was one of the waitresses from the restaurant, and when Amy was pushed (which made her fall over), she fell into the waitress, causing the waitress to fall over, and hit herself on a nearby table.
Needless to say, the restaurant people were not happy – and despite my attempts (in my best soberest form) to tell them that the Girlfriend had left, she won’t be coming back, and that we promise to be on our best behaviour, they wouldn’t take any of it. Everyone who had paid for their food got a refund, and we all went outside.
At the point, I was firmly pissed off. I was angry that the Girlfriend had ruined one of my best-friend’s birthdays. He had planned to go somewhere for a particular purpose, and he wanted to have, as anyone would, an enjoyable eighteenth birthday. If Jenny and the Girlfriend (and I place firmer emphasis on the Girlfriend, previously in the evening she had made subtle comments about Amy… I had the suspicion that she wouldn’t maintain her composure), then they shouldn’t impede upon another person’s birthday. Moreover, to be kicked out of a bloody restaurant! It’s shameful, and it ruined all the plans that my Birthday friend had made.
So in my anger, I decided to inform the Girlfriend of how out-of-order she was. In this there was a bit of shouting, and yes… Not a pretty sight. However, I felt then, I don’t know… Even now, I still maintain that she had to be told. How dare she ruin someone else’s birthday!
Jenny then got involved, came up to me, started pushing me, getting in my face and telling me to shut up. Yes, I probably should have; but by then she had provoked me, and the Girlfriend was continuing on with her grovel “Do you know how hard it is for me…”, Jenny continued to push me, telling me “Not to talk to her like that”, and pushed me more. She then went to push/hit me, at which point I grabbed hold of her hair, and held her away from me.
Jenny told me “You’re turning into who you were…”
See, when I younger, I didn’t exactly have the best track-record. I had a tendency to get involved in fights, get angry, say and do things which inevitably would only get me into more trouble and problems for myself. All of it was unneeded, and for the most part, completely unnecessary; but I was hostile. I was young and foolish.
Yet, there I was, slightly drunk, arguing with two of my friends, one of whom I had gripped in my hand. Thankfully I didn’t actually pull her hair out – that would have been just awful.
Following this, there was a period of time where the group just split. Jenny and her Girlfriend shouting at each other, and another person trying to calm her down. Then the rest of us, sitting on a bench trying to work out what the fuck had just happened. Most of them hadn’t seen the incident with Jenny and I… But everyone felt so down. I felt bad, because I knew I hadn’t done anything to make it better either. I felt sorry for my friend.
Even so, Jenny and her Girlfriend cleared off. What they did, and how they are now, I have no idea on. I’ve yet to work out a way to speak to either of them… What do you say?
Trying to make the best out of a bad situation, the rest of us soldiered on. We eventually found another place to eat, although that required another bus-ride. Then we went on to a rather odd but nice bar/pub. I fear once again, I may have revealed all too much – apparently quite a few people are aware of my fondness for Jenny (hmm… I don’t see that ever panning out now!), and I think I got too touchy-feely with other people too.
Ahh, the whole situation feels so warped. The events of last night feel so blurred and pumped; yet regardless of actually getting into a mini-fight with my friend, I had a really good night. I don’t know how that presents me as a person though…
Yet at the same time I feel awful. No, I’m not hung over (I’m far too young for that!), but I do feel guilty and bad. Would I have acted like I did last night if I was sober? A part of me says “Yes, the Girlfriend needed to be told, she ruined our friend’s birthday, she acted completely out of turn”, yet another of me says “Maybe you would have thought it, but would you have said anything? Maybe, but would it have ended like it did? Possibly not…” . Either way, I don’t know.
Now I have to find a way of redeeming myself, and seeing where the hell this leaves me with Jenny and the Girlfriend (who I’ve been friends with for years).
It’s one thing for the administration not like it; I mean you have to really work to actually state in a rule who a student can or cannot bring to a prom. That’s #1 and there is enough meat here to heartily criticize the powers that be. But in addition its another to ruin the prom for every other deserving student who’ve earned this high school ritual!
Miss. school prom off after lesbian’s date request
JACKSON, Miss. – A northern Mississippi school district will not be hosting a high school prom this spring after a lesbian student sought to attend with her girlfriend and wear a tuxedo.
The Itawamba County school district’s board decided Wednesday to drop the prom because of what it called recent distractions but without specifically mentioning the girl’s request, which was backed by the American Civil Liberties Union.
The student, 18-year-old high school senior Constance McMillen, said the cancellation was retaliation for her efforts to bring her girlfriend, also a student, to the April 2 dance.
“A bunch of kids at school are really going to hate me for this, so in a way it’s really retaliation,” McMillen told The Clarion-Ledger of Jackson. Calls to McMillen by The Associated Press late Wednesday went unanswered.
School policy requires that senior prom dates be of the opposite sex. The ACLU of Mississippi had given the district until Wednesday to change that policy, arguing that banning same-sex prom dates violated McMillen’s constitutional rights.
Instead, the school board met and issued a statement announcing it wouldn’t host the event at Itawamba County Agricultural High School in Fulton, “due to the distractions to the educational process caused by recent events.”
The statement didn’t mention McMillen or the ACLU. When asked by The Associated Press if McMillen’s demand led to the cancellation, school board attorney Michele Floyd said she could only reference the statement.
“It is our hope that private citizens will organize an event for the juniors and seniors,” district officials said in the statement. “However, at this time, we feel that it is in the best interest of the Itawamba County School District, after taking into consideration the education, safety and well being of our students.”
Kristy Bennett, legal director for the ACLU of Mississippi, said the district was trying to avoid the issue.
“But that doesn’t take away their legal obligations to treat all the students fairly,” Bennett said. “On Constance’s behalf, this is unfair to her. All she’s trying to do is assert her rights.”
Itawamba County is a rural area of about 23,000 people in north Mississippi near the Alabama state line. It borders Pontotoc County, Miss., where more than a decade ago school officials were sued in federal court over their practice of student-led intercom prayer and Bible classes.
Anna Watson, a 17-year-old junior at the high school, was looking forward to the prom, especially since the town’s only hotspot is the bowling alley, she said.
“I am a little bummed out about it. I guess it’s a decision that had to be made. Either way someone was going to get disappointed — either Constance was or we were,” Watson said. “I don’t agree with homosexuality, but I can’t change what another person thinks or does.”
Other students are on McMillen’s side.
McKenzie Chaney, 16, said she wasn’t planning to attend the prom, but “it’s kind of ridiculous that they can’t let her wear the tuxedo and it all be over with.”
A Feb. 5 memo to students laid out the criteria for bringing a date to the prom, and one requirement was that the person must be of the opposite sex.
The ACLU said McMillen approached school officials shortly before the memo went out because she knew same-sex dates had been banned in the past. The ACLU said district officials told McMillen she and her girlfriend wouldn’t be allowed to arrive together, that she would not be allowed to wear a tuxedo, and that she and her girlfriend might be asked to leave if their presence made any other students “uncomfortable.”
McMillen said she feared she would be thrown out of the prom because “we do live in the Bible Belt.”
I spent almost 20 years as a separatist lesbian. Not on purpose or not on purpose so much as women’s space felt great and the bay area affords a gay person the luxury of having a social world and a culture unto it’s self so large that one is never required to look outside of it. I was also in a profession most of that time that also was almost all women run with an occassional guy but nothing significant in numbers. Within the lesbian culture I had the further luxury packaged and delivered by the populations of the bay ares of hanging out in Butch femme culture, later part of queer culture here in sin central.
Even my leather life, for the most part has been lesbian by virtue of this subculture being significantly sized here. Dr. Phil said always pick a target rich environment, when trying to find dates…and the bay area for a lesbian is a target rich environment. Even for a queer femme the numbers are far higher than most of the country while still being depressingly low.
So when I started to prodomme. I was not just taking on a new profession. I was taking on learning to be in relationship with a species I had left in the dust 2o years ago and gladly so at the time. And as time went by I started to wonder if men had changed so much or had I. I found human beings with insight, awareness of women’s boundaries, vulnerabilities, honesty, and most surprising extreme likability. Did I miss something or was I before so overwhelmed with years of trying to fit where I did not, that I was unable to look outside of myself at the people I was trying to misfit with. And now it was different and I have felt often like a veil was lifted lately. I have concluded that one significant contributing factor is the difference between men into kink or bdsm and men in general. It might not be true, I am only looking from my side of the mirror but as a lesbian, I know that identifying that one’ desire is not mainstream and further finding the courage to act on that desire and accept that desire forces one to grow in compassion and insight. I have tremendous respect for anyone who has faced that process. For gay people in leather, bdsm is often, usually the second coming out so it’s not such a shock, you kind of know the drill. For a straight man, whose identity is so tightly linked to money, resources, community, society, the food chain……I wonder what is the journey. Is it as challenging as mine when I realized I desired women? or does privilege mean that it is less challenging because when you walk in the world of privilege even breaking the rules seems like a right?
I haven’t engaged in the conversation with any of my clients really since this is my first year of men. I have found out some shocking new pieces of information. One is that my desire is more linked to my bdsm desires than my gay desires meaning that the dynamics of leather in terms of desire supercede my interest in what body it comes in. I am still considering if that has made me qualify as bisexual. I don’t want to, I had the word for reasons to vast too tackle here for hating that word. I think it makes me pansexual. The bdsm community is often having pansexual events which pretty much means you don’t qualify by what body you are in or what gender you identify with, you qualify by being into bdsm.
So I am in desire when I am in any dynamic that plays with power. I can go to a pansexual event and find any number of different combinations of body and gender in any one other person, hot, challenging, seductive….and I wonder is sexuality really that fluid? or is just really that fluid…in me.
Have you noticed that if you are very lucky, as time goes by you have more questions instead of less?
Another guest post. This time, from a young Irish woman who has just started her coming out process.
I only came out very recently to those who need to know. Lots of people still don’t know.
last summer, I told one of my closest friends, who happened to just have come out himself, that I thought I might like girls. I was insisting that I was bi-curious. He was shocked but he was great about it, even more so when I told him a few months later that I was pretty sure I was a lesbian.
In that time I had also told two of my other best friends. The difference in their reactions was amazing. One was great about and said that nothing had changed. The other one was unsure. She kept telling me that I just had no self confidence, and that sooner or later I would meet a man. Since then she has slowly come around to the fact that I am actually gay.
I told my father after he kept pressing me to know where I’d been one weekend. I’d told him I was going to Dublin and it wasn’t a lie, but he knew something else was going on. All that I had planned to do was go to a gay club, nothing criminal-like. My father is pretending I never told him, so we don’t speak about it. My brother doesn’t talk about it either, but we’re alike in many ways so he doesn’t really care who I date.
hello again, Its been awhile I know but I have been very busy since my wife had our little girl. Also we have had some computer problems so anyway thats that.
What I would like to talk about is Jesus and homosexuals. I know that in my religous experience there have been many cruel things said from pulpits concerning this topic. Well I thought I would just put my opinion out there and see if maybe I could change some points of view.
The tipical thing most christians will tell you is that they believe that if you are a homosexual you are going to hell because you can’t serve God and live in sin. To this comment I say let him/her with no sin throw stones. It amazes me that christians have picked certain sins that a believer in Jesus can never stumble on. All sin is dangerous not because God will cast you to hell but because unhealthy decisions are not going to lead you in a good direction.
The other thing that comes up is that gay people aren’t born gay. Well yes and no. We all have unhealthy tendencies. and yes you are born with them. So are gays born gay? Kind of yes. Does that make it right? Well what I am about to say is going to totally offend all traditional values people. Whether or not it is a sin to be gay isn’t the point. The point is that we should love our fellow man not because we follow Jesus or go to church but because we are all human. We live on the same planet and the deeds of one of us effects all of us. So we must love each other with our flaws. We don’t have to agree with someone to love them! I know that I struggle with sin and I’ve been a Christ follower for 15 years. So to end this time let me encourage you the christian reading this think before you speak out against the gay agenda. And to you who are gay or lesbian let me say that I love Jesus and I do not judge you. Jesus doesn’t either so know that he loves you just the way you are. till next time.
From The Great One’s Blog: Catholic school boots student with gay parents
I’ve had non-Catholic friends at Catholic schools and they never got kicked out, even though some of them weren’t even Christian (one was Sikh!) and surely that “lives in open discord with Catholic teaching”.
We’re special. We scare people. We make the crazies circle the wagons.
This, unfortunately, will be no consolation to one very sad and very confused preschooler, today.
There’s a large growing problem I’ve noticed in fiction. In and of itself, its not an issue, but the way it’s tackled is something that really should be addressed.
That problem, of course, is sexuality. Whenever sexuality appears in a work, it’s never addressed in a way that makes it feel like anything other than being tacked on. I don’t mean stuff like Gay and Lesbian fiction – thats a whole ‘nother can of beans I’m not qualified to get into – but marking characters as Straight or Gay and doing it wrong.
Its as bad as the “token racial” thing. Somehow, a token gay has become a good character or what not.
Let me explain, lest I come off as a jerk or insensitve. Someone simply has to point this out.
Sexuality as a Character
First and formost, let me address that all of these crimes against characters are perpetrated by straight and gay authors. It likely isn’t a self seated hatred by straights against the gay agenda or anything of the sort. No, its more than likely that this is all rooted in bad writing. So lets not make this a political statement or anything.
With that aside, I’m going to point out the most used fuck-up in writing sexuality: The Anthromorphic Personification.
Think hard now. Think of the last thing you read with a gay man in it. Think about his character.
Oh wait. He didn’t have character. Everything about his character was rooted in the fact he was gay. He did gay things, talked with other gays, and made it a point to remind everyone that he was gay. Not necessarily camp gay – that’s next – but his entire existence is solely twisted around the fact that THIS MAN IS GAY.
This is bad. This is wrong. It’s also mildly offensive.
Lets put it in to example terms. I do love examples:
Jason is straight. Jason is interested in women. But we never bash the fact that Jason is straight over your head. As Jason is the protagonist, he does protagonisty things. He moves along the plot and likely doesn’t oggle every woman he sees, doesn’t pound his chest and fist bump his buddies, and doesn’t make sure to quip things like “Have I mentioned how straight I am today?”
Todd is gay. Todd likes men. Todd makes it a point to remind people of this every chance he gets. When confronted by women, Todd’s reply is “Girlfriend, you’re barking up the wrong tree!” When a cute guy walks by, Todd is quick to comment on his posterior. Todd moves along the plot, but everything he does is gay. There is no room to ever doubt his sexuality, because Todd is beating you to death with it.
And this is Dave. Dave is also gay. But the difference between Dave and Todd is that Dave moves through life without his gayness driving his every motion. Dave is the rare gay character in fiction to have interest outside of being gay. Dave doesn’t bother reminding everyone of his sexuality and simply mentions it as it comes up, which isn’t often because no one really asks.
See Dave there? Dave is what we should want in a gay character: A character. Not a walking sexuality with legs. Hell, you can go the whole story without mentioning any of these gentlemen’s interest in the plot and guess who would come off as the better written characters. Thats right: Jason and Dave actually have personalities, so they come out better for it. Todd simply falls apart because that was his only trait.
But lets move on to the other use…
CAMP GAY
Yes! The dreaded Camp Gay! Where all gay men are hair dressers with lisps who call men “she” and women “girlfriend!” Where all lesbians are butch militants who hate men for some reason! Where good characters go to die!
Don’t get me wrong. Camp Gay is great when you’re writing a parody, just like Jive talking black men and stuffy british librarians. But then you realize that, like this stereotypes, people believe they’re 100% true. And thats where we get into trouble. Nothing like watching a show in a seriousness only to find the gay character is a lisping buffoon who responds to everything with three snaps and a twist.
Of course, everything there is to be said about that one has been said. The issue is, avoiding this.
People! All I want is characters! Good characters! If you must throw sexuality into a character, make them an interesting character! I’d rather have a world full of Daves over Todds!
tl;dr: If you have to make a gay character, make them a character first. Sexuality is not Personality!
First; yes, the casual passerby may catch me whispering intimately to my red bull. “God you’re so soooo good. I fucking love you. Oh God, you were made for me. I wish this would last forever.” Over the course of the last two years my office has become accustomed to my behavior and I’m hardly the only eccentric adrenaline junkie here. Although today is the first time I’ve worn the same work button down two days in a row …cause I didn’t go home last night! Cue Matt & Kim “Don’t Slow Down” and swagger. SWAGGER! Oh yeah, swagger.
Less, swagger, back to my actual life. (Okay, swagger!) I’m going to get fat and a DUI if I keep drinking with Cuba. For a little thing she holds a lot of booze. Although she yuked last night when we got back to her place, so not as much booze as she thinks she can hold. Beyond impressing me with her binge drinking skills, she amazed me with her charm. Evidence: at the art show she bought a bottle of vino tinto espanol, which we walked around drunking…directly from the bottle. Oh, you know the path towards my affections indeed. (Although texting me from the metro telling me you were thinking about getting a haircut suspiciously like mine freaked me the F out. Why do girls keep doing that!?)
Post game at Freddie’s Beach Bar; Cuba initiated a little bar stool makey outey. Yay! I saw Almost 3-some guy from my last (and only) visit, waved to him, and he joined us. Cuba talked him into giving her his t-shirt so we could make our “Dykes Dig This” t-shirts. You know, in a parallel universe where it isn’t 11pm and we don’t have to go to work early the next day. The bartender was much amused (and still hot) although I think we tried her patience when we started playing with the plastic animal garnishes. Being the only hot lesbian couple cute girls there made our antics more palatable cuter. Almost 3-some guy ended up buying us a round and roses, and gave me mad props re: Cuba’s charm/hotness.
Disconcertingly couple-ly behavior exhibited all night, although for my part I’m basically a really happy, swaggering, grinning fool who’s happy to be kissed publicly by a widely acknowledged hot girl. That’s pretty straight forward…right? (Except for the random “us” projects girl kept throwing out there…that was make believe….right?)
She made me breakfast again this morning, nothing special just some toast and coffee, but still sweet. She also took a cool picture of me at the gallery last night in a room of buttons suspended on wires hanging like cobwebs. I would like to get a copy of dis…except I would have to send her a Facebook friend request, which I am not ready to do. Ohh, that’s too much access to my life. I actually woke up last night with “No BRG haunts me there (and she does, not me being all stalky but her commenting on stuff I post) – can’t compromise the only connection I have left” flashing across my mind. Then I turned over, assumed the big spoon position, and went back to sleep. One sick puppy I am.
Sure it doens't fit the context, but what the hell
Made no new plans with Cuba when I left this morning, but I have her t-shirt in my truck. Because I’m evil a dyke having fun I’m sure I will text her blithely until I go out of town. And I’ll figure the rest of it out when I get back from my *fingers crossed* debauched vacation.
How do I tell my children that I am gay?
I am a middle-aged woman who divorced several years ago and have two children, aged 14 and 11. One reason for the split with their father, other than issues with his behaviour, was that I had to come to terms with the fact that I am gay. But discussing this with the kids has become a sticking point. In spite of good intentions, of inclusion policies and acceptance of minorities, the word “gay” is still hurled as an insult at school. To move forward with my kids, and perhaps find a partner and at last do something true to myself, I need to tackle this head on. Most gay women either have young children born into a gay family, or none at all. I have drawn a blank looking for advice. Susan, via email
Unless you have brought them up to be incredibly intolerant and closed-minded, your children may surprise you. It’s natural that you feel nervous, but I also think you are projecting a lot on to them. Maybe you were brought up in a household where being homosexual wouldn’t have been tolerated? But they are a new generation and while I’m not pretending it’s easy to come out, whatever your age, it’s important to remember that it’s your children, not your parents, you’ll be talking to.
I had a good chat with someone from the Lesbian and Gay Foundation (lgf.org.uk, 0845 3303030 – do look on the website, where there are real-life stories about coming out that you may want to read. A quarter of the calls the LGF receives are about coming out). Please think about ringing the helpline – there are skilled people who can talk you through your worries and can even help with role play – taking the role of your children – so you can practise what you might want to say. I think this would be a really good idea for you, as you’ve probably never vocalised what you want to say and the language you use is important. You don’t want to say “I think I’m gay”, for instance; this will just confuse your children. The helpline can also help you with that all-important opener.
It’s with advice from the LGF that I make these suggestions for when the time comes to tell your children.
First: tell them in a quiet, confidential place, such as your home. Make sure you have plenty of time to talk – don’t do it when you know you or they have to be somewhere else, or if there’s a time constraint. Be prepared to listen to their worries. Decide exactly what you want to tell them, and how much. They may ask, for example, if you’ve had sex with another woman yet; decide in advance how much you want to divulge, so that you are prepared. Also, be prepared to accept that they may want to discuss it with other people. Make it clear to them that they can ask questions at any time in the future. Be aware that this will be an ongoing conversation. They may also ask if this has anything to do with their father, so it’s important to stress that your sexuality is yours, ie it wasn’t caused by him or by being married. Tell them that if they want to talk to anyone neutral they can ring ChildLine (childline.org.uk, 0800 1111).
The other thing to remember is that while you may have had some years to get used to the fact that you are gay, it could come as a great shock to them (or it may not, and they may have guessed – either way your confirmation may be shocking for them). So what they say immediately may not be how they feel when the news has been digested.
Remember, too, that children can take things literally. Remind them that nothing else has changed, that no matter what happens they will continue to live with you and that you love them.
They will take the lead from you – if you start crying when you tell them, and are too emotional, they will think that is the response required. Be calm and confident and don’t be apologetic. This isn’t something to be sorry for. You’re telling them you’re gay, not a mass murderer. That said, you can say “I’m sorry if this is a shock” or “I’m sorry you feel that way” if they react badly – but don’t be tempted to just say “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” in a random fashion. Be strong – they’ll need to know that you can handle it.
Mike Rogers has outed closeted gay politicians who have voted for anti-LGBT legislation to protect their closet and power. Mike is a blogger, fundraiser, and new media expert and consultant and a Senior Consultant at the New Organizing Institute. The movie “Outrage” that was released in 2009 was based largely on his work outing harmful closeted gay politicians.
Mike Rogers, blogger, activist, journalist, new media expert and consultant at work on his computer
Mike Rogers, most feared man on Capitol Hill
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I’ll simply have to insist! A couple days in the last week when the snow had melted and I could walk along actual damp SIDEWALK…and then this last couple days’ vaunted blizzard being a “Feh, THAT you call a blizzard?!” sort of event for the now-ever-so-much-more hardy citizens who’ve been digging out from several feet, and I’m convinced. Yup. Spring! Maybe not THIS week, but…it’ll get here.
This spring at the Willliam Way center in Philadelphia my friend Pearlette Toussant is presenting a supremely cool event—which she’s already blackmailed me into attending because now that I’m dating again, girl has way too much inculpatory evidence which, while formally inadmissible as hearsay, could prejudice my case.*
On Tuesday, March 25 at 6:00, jumping off from the lobby of the center, to “Whet Your Appetite for Spring:” a walking tour of Philly’s Gayborhood to pick out all manner of places and things creatively includable in romantic spring date plans—but ahead of time so we’re not all frantic! Whee! This is also just a cool way for newcomers or visitors to Philadelphia to learn their way around and discover some amusing, healthy, fun and fascinating LGBTQ destinations, for Philadelphians of all tenures to meet nice people, and for everybody to enjoy.
*Anyone who knows me knows what a big lie that is; if I were a language I wouldn’t have a word for “overshare,” or “TMI”!** I love information! It’s all about the information…which reminds me to recommend, as well, Lisa Lutz’ shriekingly funny, like when you can’t help but yelp like a sea lion with laughter, Curse of the Spellmans! A lot more than funny, too, in its unsparing but ultimately nonjudgmental portrayal of a most non-traditional family. (“Uh, I request Mal Blum’s ‘For Making Art’ song plizz, goin’ out to Lisa Lutz…”) I hope the first one, The Spellman Files, is as good, since I’ve accidentally ended up reading them out of order, but I’ll let you know when I read it, which WILL be as soon as possible!
(**In terms of MY life I’m like that proverbial open book, that is. Secrets told to me, I keep to the grave. Serious as an aneurysm about that.)
This post is the fourth post in a series of coverage from the Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference 2010, that took place Feb. 19 to Feb. 21, 2010, at the University of Wisconsin – Madison.
WARNING: This post is not explicit, but it may not be work appropriate.
“Like alternative medicine, some people think porn is crazy and others think it is the best thing ever,” said Allison Lancaster, leader of the session “More Than Meets The Eye: Sexual Minorities in Porn.”
Often times, in girl-on-girl and guy-on-guy porn, the actors are straight people simply acting gay, not usually enjoy the sexual acts and are performing their job of showing pleasure. These films are made for a male audience, catering to stereotypical portrayals of these groups (like always showing two feminine women together).
But in porn made specifically for lesbians and gays, the actors usually identify as the sexual orientation they are portraying and seem to be enjoying themselves.
Porn is a business and wants to produce what will sell. Straight men are the primary consumers of porn, so it makes sense that it caters to them. But that consumer standard is changing.
For sexual minorities, porn is sometimes an art and means of expression, and companies are starting to realize there is a demand for this sort of porn. Companies producing porn for queers and by queers are starting to crop up in the market.
This workshop did not discuss transgender people in porn.
If you have read my previous posts, it may surprise you to know that I have no problem with gay marriage. How can this possibly be, you ask, have you lost your mind? No, I have not, but I must be psychic to have known exactly what you were just thinking.
I have no problem with it because it cannot exist. Two same gender people can have whatever ceremony they like and call it marriage, but it will not now, nor will it ever be, marriage. It can only be a consecration of an abomination. Just as a rose by any other name is still a rose, conversely, a lily will never be a rose. Marriage is the union of a man and a woman with at least the possibility of having biological children. And the story of Abraham teaches us that even the very old who have given up hope can still have children, so the only requirement is one man with one woman. That is how the familyh is supposed to be set up. Any other setup is inferior.
So, if you want to be gay, be gay. And if you want to have a ceremony to proclaim your shared gayness with another, go ahead. And if you further want to call it marriage, go right ahead.
Your Wednesday night party just got hotter with your very own DJ COOKEE in the house come and dance the night away with her and your fellow queers. Remember doors open at 10pm and same great location STARLINE.
i created this meme at formspring.com where, essentially, people can ask me anything they want to know about me with anonymity. BAD IDEA! my curiosity and ego led me to create it and it’s leading me to leave it up despite the onslaught of negative questions. from this meme, i deem myself narcissistic and others inherently cruel. period.
Crush:
i’m crushing hard on this girl… really fucking hard. luckily… she’s down. problem: she’s “straight.” and, just had a baby…so she’s still attached to her baby’s father. but, the truth of the matter is… i could love her. tonight, she’s coming over to my friend gina’s and we’re going to spoon all night. lollerskatez. but… i’m cheesin’… i cannot stop smiling and her lips are so soft and she smells so good… and damn. story of my life: fall in love with someone you can never have. epic fail.
We visited Blush! wine bar last weekend. Cute space, cozy atmosphere – all that you’d expect from a homey wine bar in the middle of the Castro. A place for all the highfalutin flags to show off their abilities to order in French and their developed palettes.
The only problem? The menu. Perhaps I’m too young to fully appreciate foreign cuisine but when I order something called “kobe beef tartare” I expect y’know… meat. What we got instead could easily be mistaken for cat food wrapped in a cucumber. Now Wikipedia tells me that a tartare “is a preparation of finely chopped raw meat or fish optionally with seasonings and sauces” but I wish the menu would have told me that before hand. The other thing we got was the ravioli’s which were disappointing. They tasted good and all, after they stopped boiling so I could actually put them in my mouth without burning anything, but they weren’t filling to say the least.
Am I expecting too much? Maybe. Yet for $12-$14 I’m surprised these people can look me in the eye when they serve it.
I’ve never really understood how a woman could make love to you tenderly one minute, and wind up angry with you the next, without some bizarre happening in between. Call me crazy, and many have, but how does that work exactly? I can’t make love to you if I’m mad. But evidently, there are some woman who can.
Isn’t sex supposed to seal off the anger acting as a truce, like a white flag waved in the battlefield. For me, sex after a fight is passionate and forgiving all at once, reminding me of the sex you experience after a long drought of “no sex,” where your hunger trumps your tenderness, but somehow it doesn’t really matter, because it feels so fabulous you wish you could die in that moment, wallowing in ecstasy, since nothing will ever be that good again. Do you know what I mean?
Sex between women is usually more emotionally complicated, than the simple desire to achieve climax. It is a contract between hearts, a union of souls; or at the very least, a tender, loving gesture that can bring tears to your eyes if you’re not careful. Women move me. They also drive me crazy. So, what’s my point, you must be asking. The answer is, I don’t know. I’m reaching out to you for some wisdom, some guidance, a few answers.
For once, I am caught off guard and questioning sex and what it means at different times, and in particular, when one party is harboring some grudge or resentment. I had wonderful sex this morning and found out only moments later, that she was angry with me. She pouted while getting dressed, and gave me the cold shoulder. When I asked her what was up, she said we’d talk about it later, in that tone of voice that means you’re in trouble.
All I can figure is that I must have been very bad while I was asleep, since the last time I spoke to her before bed, everything seemed ok. Then, we woke up making love to each other. Sounds like a great start to the day, doesn’t it. But, to my surprise, moments later I found out she was angry about something.
Maybe I sleep walk and don’t realize it and got up and said something horrible to her, or kicked the dog, or cursed uncontrollably. I really don’t know. Because later has not arrived, and I am waiting like a child, uncertain of my punishment, or what I did or said that evoked such a negative vibe. You see, being sensitive is good and bad. I feel everything too much. This is my life. Yikes! Any kindred spirits out there who can give me some advice.
I am humbled by my lack of understanding of lesbians. Considering I am a lesbian and have played for that team for a couple of decades now, you would think I’d have some answers. But I’d rather go with the idea that true brilliance means you are aware of how very little you truly know, in which case I’m a genius.
before some dumbass pulled a knife on somebody over a parking spot. this is today’s new neighborhood development.
yup, some dude moved someone else’s chair and parked in his spot. we saw cop cars and asked what was going on. like i keep saying: respect the chair. [or the cone, milkcrate, dining room set, coffee table (yes, saw one of those today) or, my new favorite, a laundry basket full of snow with a pink foam floaty noodle sticking out of it.] respect it or you might get cut. at least in baltimore. so beware.
I waited 20 minutes for the Muni train to work yesterday. San Francisco is in a major budget crisis, so they have had to cut lines and frequency of trains. “Budget crisis” seemed abstract, until I found myself waiting and waiting in fog so thick it felt like gravity-defying rain. I stood between two older Asian men, taking shelter in the venn diagram of their umbrellas brushing together above my head. When it finally arrived Muni was packed with students on their way to school – I had to wedge myself in a corner between three skinny girls and their enormous backpacks.
They all had long brown hair, wore high-top sneakers and little heart shaped earrings. One sported thick glasses, one wore electric-colored makeup, and the third was clearly In Charge, telling the latest news at a rapid mumble -
“You know that girl we thought was a dude? Well, she’s a girl for sure, I saw her in the locker room”
“For reals?” Electric Makeup leans in closer.
“For reals.”
“Did she have boobs?”
“Yeah – little ones”
They giggle.
“You seen this girl?”
They turn to Glasses Girl, who shakes her head.
“Well, maybe you just thought she was 100% dude and didn’t even notice something was up. She so looks like a dude it’s crazy man.”
“How does she look like a dude if she’s a girl?” Glasses girl wonders.
“Well, she wears guys gym shoes every day” says Electric Makeup.
“Yeah, and these baggy jeans, and a, a big tee shirt, so, you can’t, you know, see anything” In Charge adds. They have clearly given this a lot of thought.
“That’s weird”
“Weird-o-weird”
“I know. I wonder what her problem is. Like, maybe no one’s told her what girls are supposed to wear?”
“Or maybe her family is really poor and she has to wear her brothers’ hand-me-downs”
“Or maybe she’s a lesbian”
They giggle, moving toward the exit.
“Let’s ask her at lunch!”
If I obsess, I can deflect from being honest with my feelings. If I let worry take over my mind, I can stay with anxiety rather than admit what is going on for me emotionally. I leave in less than 10-hours to go out of town with the woman who I’ve known and slept with since June off an on… We have not talked much in the last two weeks. I think it is because she is too busy with 2.5 jobs, jockeying for her dream job next week, and probably doing a little cave-like self-protection. Flights will not be feasible for her, and will only be so about 4 times per year for me. I still hold that we will remain friends, and that is a hell of a lot more than we were last year.
I like her. I care about her. I probably love her. I’m not “in love” with her, because I don’t get that reciprocal vibe from her. Some of this stuff (distinctions) comes from how culturally different she and I are fundamentally. I feel more genetically similar to my Dad who is Italian, and so I feel like a lover. I’m effusive and nurturing. Not a caretaker, but someone who likes to make others happy and feel good after some time has passed.
I’m intrigued to see what will be the context of our convos tonight. It is easy for me to keep my mouth shut, so I don’t think it will be that emotional on my end. I do wonder how she will approach me. Will she tell me that I’m dangerous? Easy to be with? Or will she fall back on “Don’t fall in love with me.” If the latter occurs, I’m going to ask her why she feels the need to say that.
I left my Politics of Gay Families class today pretty upset. It was one of the first times where I felt like the minority, and it was one of the first times where I felt that shutting up was probably my best option.
We had an assignment where we had to review several different websites, some which were pro-GLBT and some which were anti-GLBT. Almost all of the anti-GLBT websites were supported by “Pro-Family” Conservative Evangelical Christian organizations. As I sat in the class, people snickered and generalized (can you tell I live in New England?) as we went through the websites. Some people made it seem like Christians believe that exorcisms are necessary to “fix” people who are Gay. The teacher asked a student to open her phone and dial a help-line from an anti-GLBT website to try and find a counselor from Connecticut. The class was thrilled with the prospect and sat grinning while the girl talked to the guy on the other side of the line.Fortunately the man on the other end of the line wasn’t hired for his conversational skills and stuck with his job of connecting people with therapists. The class snowballed and I sat rather stone-faced.
It wasn’t that I disagreed with the general class sentiment towards the outlandish ideas proposed by these websites, it was that they were sneering in the same way that the conservatives were sneering at them. Everyone’s walking around with their fists up, trying to make the “other side” (as if there are only two sides) seem mad. I suppose I should have expected this, but it was frustrating nonetheless and I found myself facing what I am sure many others have faced before- whether it was a gay man facing an angry judgmental church, or a loving Christian facing a hornet’s nest of upset intolerant GLBT folks.
Fittingly, I sat down this afternoon and my friend at Faith Autopsy posted a link to an article on another perspective on homosexuality. In the 11 pages, we are taken through a journey (reminiscent of Andrew Marin’s book) that essentially says the traditionalist and open/affirming churches are both getting it wrong. The traditionalist churches are not providing room or guidance to GLBT people who wish to pursue celibacy and instead have been offering false solutions that cover up deep issues. The open/affirming churches are raising their voices but are not providing the guidance that helps any couple live in a God honoring relationship. I am not condoning either approach, and I wish to remain unlabeled for now- because I find labels (conservative, liberal, traditional, etc.) extremely limiting and inhibiting. But I will say that the paper mentioned above was well written and had many valid points which any one interested in this topic should take the time to think about and chew on.
The kicker is that I can’t avoid this conversation, even if I wanted to. Ashley and I are headed to Northampton where we’ll be facing things like this by default. We want to face it, but sometimes I just shrink down in my chair and wish things were just black and white. The reality is that I still have a lot of questions, and I don’t want a lot of answers. I want a few answers that are true, and I know that it will take time to find them. While I sit in between two hoards of people throwing stones at each other, I can only say that I agree with the small voice of those who say that conversation and discussion are vital for unity- a central desire and prayer of Jesus. Simply put, we can’t beat around uncomfortable ideas and we can’t beat the people who don’t agree with us. We have to talk, listen, and explore- all the while speaking and serving one another in love and humility.
Depression is anger turned inward. And goodness, you have a lot to be angry about!
If you are an average lesbian, you’re probably gearing up for a deep depression come Valentine’s Day this Sunday. You’re probably going feel bad because you are single on Valentines Day, or, because you’re in an unsatisfactory relationship. Really, you just can’t win.
But let’s set our relationship status or lack thereof aside for a moment and talk about what a wagon-full of donkey doo-doo Valentine’s Day is. Single or not, the pressure is so extreme to participate in this capitalistic holiday that you might experience increased feelings of self-loathing, or worse yet, try to buy some woman (who won’t give you the time of day) an assorted box of nuts & chews with the last of your food stamps.
Nothing says “I Love You” like a box of candy with aloof, slobbery nibbles on each and every piece.
And I don’t know about you, but something like that makes me pretty angry! So angry it’s hard to get out my pajamas and face the day!
Consequently, this is a call-to-action to my lesbian sisters, single, coupled, or swinging singles and couples: I want you to turn your depression inside out and GIRLCOTT VALENTINE’S DAY. There are countless ways to do that, and if you are mentally numb from a lifetime of sexual discrimination, I can suggest several things:
1. If you are half-way responsible and can at least been able to get a part-time job, go to your local pet shelter and adopt a live animal, rather than buying a Plush Teddy Bear with a big red heart on it’s chest that was assembled by oppressed women and children over-seas.
2. If you are lucky enough to have access to a sexual partner, cut to the chase and bang the living daylights out of each other rather than spending an excess of money and feeding corporate greed with a ceremonial romantic dinner at the Outback Steakhouse. (Although the Awesome Blossom is an excellent fried-food choice for emotional eating!)
3. Spend the day in rigorous self-examination: Why are you only attracted to unavailable women? Why do you fall in love with every straight female roommate you have? Why do you care so much about marriage equality when you can’t even get a date?
Personally, I’ve been saving my money to take the red-eye to Irvine California this weekend where I will wait by the stage door at the Bren Events Center. Eve Ensler will be performing in The Vagina Monologues and I’m determined, once and for all, to pin her down and find out why she won’t interview me about my vagina. And if I find out it’s because of those stalker allegations, I’m going to have a fit – they just aren’t true!
Sisters, I ask you, if that’s not the spunkiest way to turn depression around, what is?!
Sexy Hugs,
Doris
P.S. Might I note, the very first person to put my blog on their blogroll, was a gay man. (Bless your heart D Gregory Smith.) Sometimes I have to wonder, if gay men don’t do it, who will?
P.P.S. Jasper, our Pet of the Week, is still looking for a home.
P.P.P.S. Check back on Monday for a brand new post where I will unveil a soon-to-be phenomenon that will take the lesbian community by storm: The Make Out Date.
Sisters, I’m all about looking forward instead of backward during The Century for Lesbian Sex.
In a recent “Tulane Talk,” a daily email/newsletter that informs the Tulane community of Tulane events and awards, it highlighted Drag Queen Bingo, a Bingo event hosted by a New Orleans drag queen promoting sexual and alcohol responsibility. I was shocked when I received the email because I wouldn’t have thought that Tulane would highlight such an event. Being a southern university in a very conservative state, I would have thought that Tulane would try to be hush hush about these kind of things. I thought the administration would be scared to stir up prejudices within some conservative Board of Trustees or other very influential people. I’m glad they showed video of the event and promoted it because it shows that Tulane is somewhat inclusive of the LGBTQ community. However, I would argue this is the expectation to the norm. Rarely do I see institutionalized LGBTQ support on campus. This is supported by the fact that there isn’t an LGBTQ Director available in the Office of Multicultural Affairs. One was requested, but wasn’t approved because of the hiring freeze. This clearly shows the underemphasis Tulane has put on the LGBTQ community here. There is an LGBTQ student organization, but it is severely non-influential on campus. The organization as a whole has a lot to do in order for it to become the success I believe it could be. I ask myself, because it seems to me that there is a large gay community (specifically just gay men, not LBTQ), “Why couldn’t a LGBTQ student group on campus be successful and why hasn’t it been successful in the past?” I would also like to know whether or not Tulane has a non-discrimination clause including sexual orientation and gender identity. This is something I’d definitely be interested in looking at. I’d also be interested in looking at how inclusive Tulane policies as a whole are toward students, staff, and faculty. Furthermore, I feel that if anything is to be done to change LGBTQ people on campus need to get together and propose change as a unified group. Right now I feel like the LGBTQ community on campus is disinterested in each other.
As many of you might have heard, Central Valley activist Robin McGehee was arrested last week in front of the White House, apparently protesting DADT. I’ve known Robin for a long time and I have a lot of respect for many things that’s she’d done to help further the cause of gay right and equality for our community. As of late, she has taken a razor sharp focus on gay marriage, despite her own relationship seemingly falling apart late last year. Here is my issue with Robin’s arrest…
College of the Sequoias professor Robin McGehee was arrested today in front of the White House, for participating in a “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” protest rally. Also arrested was Lt. Dan Choi, and Capt Jim Pietrangelo, after they handcuffed themselves to the fence in front of the Executive Mansion.
Lt. Dan Choi and Capt. Jim Pietrangelo handcuffed themselves to the White House fence. Both were later arrested. More at America Blog.
er or later I would meet a man. Since then she has slowly come around to the fact that I am actually gay.
hello again, Its been awhile I know but I have been very busy since my wife had our little girl. Also we have had some computer problems so anyway thats that.
This post is the fourth post in a series of coverage from the Midwest Bisexual Lesbian Gay Transgender Ally College Conference 2010, that took place Feb. 19 to Feb. 21, 2010, at the University of Wisconsin – Madison.
