Comments!

Pheeew! I need to make a huge apology for not responding to peoples comments for weeks. Ah! It’s definitely not that I don’t read them. In fact, I find them all extremely comforting and typically read them the same day they are posted. However, I usually write posts when I am going through a particularly hard time and then would rather leave it for awhile before having to…’relive’(?) it. I dunno, it doesn’t make sense but replying to comments forces me to acknowledge the (typically) pain again and so then I simply don’t. Horrible! I know. I’m going to work on that.

Annnnd, with that I want to make it known that these posts certainly don’t reflect a major part of my personality. I’m not always this sad! In fact, i’m usually the opposite so hopefully I’ll find some way to mix that into the site. Like I mentioned though, this site represents a place for me to come vent my pain and then when I’m happy the last thing I want to do is stop by here because it does represent that pain to me. Now i’m totally rambling so I’ll shush. First though, thank you all! Like I said in one of the comments, I know that I am perfect the way I am. I know that I am not alone. Unfortunately, the constant interaction with my parents makes it difficult to remember that and everytime I receive a comment it snaps me back to reality and knowing that (as conceited as this will sound) i’m brilliant!

*speaking of positive posts, I had a good talk with the social worker at school, one of the assistant principles, and my english teacher on Tuesday which really helped me get through Thanksgiving break without losing it. I would post about it now buuuut I should be studying for my Mandarin quiz. Zai Jian!

[Via http://silencednolonger.wordpress.com]

A little perspective

While homosexuals are denied the right to marry in the United States (whether you support or not, this is not the place to go into it), this is what they have to deal with in Uganda:

Britain and Canada today led Commonwealth protests against a law proposed by the Ugandan parliament which would introduce the death penalty by hanging for “aggravated homosexuality”.

Gordon Brown expressed Britain’s concerns about the parliamentary bill when he met Yoweri Museveni, the veteran Ugandan president, at the Commonwealth heads of government meeting in Trinidad and Tobago.

The suggested legislation would apply to sex between gay men or lesbian women in which one person has HIV.

The bill also proposes the introduction of a three-year prison sentence for anyone who knows of the existence of a gay man or lesbian woman and fails to inform authorities in Uganda within 24 hours.

[Via http://freemarketmojo.wordpress.com]

BETRAYED

Good friends like good help are so hard to find these days. You think you know someone and then BAM, they up and stab you in the back. Who am I talking about? No other person than my former, yes you heard me right, former best friend Pepper, the newly discovered Judas in my camp. She has betrayed me in the worst possible way. SHE HAD A THREESOME!

Before you start asking huh, lemme refresh your memory. In a previous blog post, did I or did I not say we were both aiming for ‘sexual depravity’ of the year award? And did I not mention we do things together? The keyword being ‘TOGETHER!!!’ Well, this Delilah twin had a threesome without me!

Who introduced her to cybersex? That is a rhetorical question but in case you are not getting the gist, the answer is MOI! I introduced her to cybersex. Who introduced her to virtual threesome? Who has been her partner in crime and perversity for donkey years? Who would have ended up being her first lesbian lover? All ME! The two of us together have been the sexual fantasy of every red blooded man we come in contact with. We were supposed to give up our threesome virginity to one carefully selected lucky guy but now, that dream has been forever crushed; Pepper is no more a threesome virgin!

How did this monumental betrayal happen? Let me tell you in her own words – “I went to a club and as I was sitting, swaying to the music, a girl walked up to me and told me her friend likes me. I looked where she was pointing and saw the friend, a cute looking guy. I went over to their table to join them and we found we had a lot in common. Over the next week, we exchanged mails and calls. It was obvious from the very beginning what they wanted but none of us actually voiced it out. Last week, I invited them to my place and soon, one thing led to another and we spent a whole four hours in bed doing sooooo many wonderful things together. It was FUN. The next day they returned and again the day after. Each time we wound up spending hours in bed. Now I’m one step ahead of you” (the last was said to and at me)

Now there are three things that hurt so much:-

1) It was not an impulsive, overcome by desire kinda thing. That I can understand. But it had been leading up to sex for more than a week. It was PREMEDITATED!

2) She did it with them more than once! If after the first time she had called and told me, I could still forgive but no, she did it again and again. This shows UNREPENTANCE!

3) Telling me “I’m now one step ahead of you”. That is unforgivable GLOATING!

How can someone do all that to a person she calls her BFF? Now I understand how Jesus felt; what made Caesar ask ‘Et tu, Brute’; how Samson must have looked upon Delilah’s bitchy face.

I am crushed!

[Via http://ladylyf.wordpress.com]

Christmas music.

It is NOT too early to be listening to Christmas music.  It is November, therefore I can listen to “Santa Baby” or “All I Want for Christmas is You” on repeat as many times as I want. So suck it, Tall, I’ll continue to listen to my beloved holiday tunez for the next three days before you deem it “acceptable.”

 

Now, for your enjoyment, DBIH reader(s)…

 

 

AND:

[Via http://dearbloginheaven.wordpress.com]

Street Corner Lesbian

Originally posted on my home blog.

Friday night I went out to a bar district with some of the interns. I decided to leave a little earlier than the others wanted to, so I said I’d just walk home — the area is only eight or nine blocks from my apartment, and I’d only had a couple beers over the course of the entire evening.

Bad choice.

About three blocks from home, some tall, drunk guy walking the opposite direction stumbled past as he crossed the street.

‘Hey baby, can I have a kiss?’ he asked, leaning down and pointing to his cheek.

‘Um, no, I don’t think so,’ I responded hesitantly.

‘Lesbian!’ he snapped. He then smacked me on the ass and stumbled away.

[Via http://emotionallyretardedbf.wordpress.com]

My Awakening

She sat across from me. She on the couch, I in the rocker. She was nervously giddy, ensconced in more eye makeup than she normally wore, and slightly tipsy from the late night of bowling. I was surprised she even dropped in that late as I don’t live anywhere near anything, am absolutely out of everyone’s way, so my friends never drop in on me. I myself was excited and my mind was racing as to what this unexpected surprise could mean.

Sheila and I had been having intense and unusual conversations lately, more unusual than normal for us, which is saying something as my chosen career of midwifery lent itself quite often to avante garde subjects. We had been talking on the phone for hours every day, me pacing around outside with the baby in the backpack trying to squeeze in another five minutes before the little one really lost it and started wailing. I just never tired of talking to her. She was friend, confidante, kindred spirit, and soon-to-be lover. But I didn’t know this yet. Not quite yet anyway.

I had been feeling the tension in the air for a couple of weeks now. Especially when we were in her subaru together. In close proximity alone. The feeling was foreign to me, but I could have cut it with a knife. I noticed the tension—it was unavoidable—but I knew not what it meant and it had me baffled. I wasn’t intimidated by her, so that couldn’t be it. I wasn’t uncomfortable around her.  I had fun with her. I thought maybe this tension meant that she didn’t like me or was uncomfortable with me in some way, and that I was feeling that; or, the tiny inkling thought made its way into my brain:  Maybe she’s attracted to me and I’ll have to break it to her that I’m totally straight.

Then one night I had the dream. The foursome dream that she, her husband, me, and my husband all went camping together and ended up having a sexual romp in their truck camper. It was a crazy, unfamiliar dream, but when I woke up I was still feeling titillated by it and told my husband about it. He was immediately turned on about it, and we started talking about what if? What if we really did have a foursome? Did he like my friend? Was he attracted to her? Did I like her husband? Could I be with him? Could I be with her? All of these questions hovered in the air as they are when you first begin exploring the concept of open marriage.

That day, during our typical phone conversation I told Sheila about my dream.

She giggled and responded like my husband had responded; excited and curious about the possibility. Then the real awkward subject was broached. Giggle, giggle, would she and I be together in this foursome, giggle, giggle. Then we moved on to safer territory. But the more I pondered my dream and the resulting questions over the next couple of days, the more I realized that it was my friend that I was subconsciously wanting to be with, not her husband.

So here we were about a week later, quietly sitting in my cozy living room looking at each other but sorta speechless with nervous smiles on our faces. Well, I’m shy sometimes, but I can’t take that kind of tense pressure very long. So I said, after some small talk, “You know it wasn’t Charlie I wanted to be with in my dream.” And she said, “Oh? Really?” And sat quietly and waited for me to finish. And I said, “I want to be with you.” There. Out. Said. Oh my god! I can’t believe I just said that. She responded in a positive way, slightly laughingly, not really surprised by what I had said, but nervous nonetheless.

I can’t remember every detail after that. It was 11 years ago. But we ended up making out on the couch. I had never made out with a woman before and I was struck that each of us was waiting for the other to lean in and be the ‘giver’ of the kiss, while we both sorta were passively waiting to receive. And just to kiss someone different than my husband was weird. Little lips. Taste. Smell. Response.

I couldn’t wait to get in her pants. Really. I can’t believe how badly I wanted her. But I wanted her. I didn’t give much thought to my husband sacked out in the bedroom, dead out from drinking too much with his golfing buddies. He did cross my mind, but I knew what I wanted and nothing was stopping me. Plus he and I had talked about the dream and the possibilities that could be created in a foursome scenario. So on the edges of my consciousness, I told myself he would be okay with it. It wasn’t like I was sleeping with a man, after all. She was my best friend.

My hand plunged down and she was so wet it turned me on immensely. It wasn’t long until I had her pants down and was exploring her with my tongue. Again, like the kiss, I was in foreign territory, had never come close to doing anything like this before. I was fumbling and awkward. I opened her lips with my hand and just started licking all around, no rhyme or reason to what I was doing. She tasted musky, like my pussy smelled. She was taken slightly aback at my ferocity. But we were both feverish and moaning and on some sexual roller coaster ride that wasn’t stopping until it was over.

We enjoyed each other immensely that night, pleasing each other in an awkward and new, naive sort of way.  I was surprised at how intensely my body responded to her that night, yet there was so much trust and safety between us already, that I felt comfortable being vulnerable, and a whole new way of being Woman was opened up for me.  It was over after about an hour.  There really hadn’t been much foreplay, unless you consider the fantasizing and tension and sexual innuendoes of the previous two weeks foreplay.

I moved away and got ready for bed.

She followed my lead and left pretty quickly. I wasn’t embarrassed about what we had done, but I was ready to move on and not hang out. My feeling of “being done” sorta caught me off guard because all I had wanted that week had been her. I snuggled in to bed with my hubby and prepared what I was going to say to him in the morning, because we didn’t keep secrets from each other. I thought.

[Via http://aphroditegoneawry.wordpress.com]

aphrodite-gone-awry

She sat across from me. She on the couch, I in the rocker. She was nervously giddy, ensconced in more eye makeup than she normally wore, and slightly tipsy from the late night of bowling. I was surprised she even dropped in that late as I don’t live anywhere near anything, am absolutely out of everyone’s way, so my friends never drop in on me. I myself was excited and my mind was racing as to what this unexpected surprise could mean.

Sheila and I had been having intense and unusual conversations lately, more unusual than normal for us, which is saying something as my chosen career of midwifery lent itself quite often to avante garde subjects. We had been talking on the phone for hours every day, me pacing around outside with the baby in the backpack trying to squeeze in another five minutes before the little one really lost it and started wailing. I just never tired of talking to her. She was friend, confidante, kindred spirit, and soon-to-be lover. But I didn’t know this yet. Not quite yet anyway.

I had been feeling the tension in the air for a couple of weeks now. Especially when we were in her subaru together. In close proximity alone. The feeling was foreign to me, but I could have cut it with a knife. I noticed the tension—it was unavoidable—but I knew not what it meant and it had me baffled. I wasn’t intimidated by her, so that couldn’t be it. I wasn’t uncomfortable around her.  I had fun with her. I thought maybe this tension meant that she didn’t like me or was uncomfortable with me in some way, and that I was feeling that; or, the tiny inkling thought made its way into my brain:  Maybe she’s attracted to me and I’ll have to break it to her that I’m totally straight.

Then one night I had the dream. The foursome dream that she, her husband, me, and my husband all went camping together and ended up having a sexual romp in their truck camper. It was a crazy, unfamiliar dream, but when I woke up I was still feeling titillated by it and told my husband about it. He was immediately turned on about it, and we started talking about what if? What if we really did have a foursome? Did he like my friend? Was he attracted to her? Did I like her husband? Could I be with him? Could I be with her? All of these questions hovered in the air as they are when you first begin exploring the concept of open marriage.

That day, during our typical phone conversation I told Sheila about my dream.

She giggled and responded like my husband had responded; excited and curious about the possibility. Then the real awkward subject was broached. Giggle, giggle, would she and I be together in this foursome, giggle, giggle. Then we moved on to safer territory. But the more I pondered my dream and the resulting questions over the next couple of days, the more I realized that it was my friend that I was subconsciously wanting to be with, not her husband.

So here we were about a week later, quietly sitting in my cozy living room looking at each other but sorta speechless with nervous smiles on our faces. Well, I’m shy sometimes, but I can’t take that kind of tense pressure very long. So I said, after some small talk, “You know it wasn’t Charlie I wanted to be with in my dream.” And she said, “Oh? Really?” And sat quietly and waited for me to finish. And I said, “I want to be with you.” There. Out. Said. Oh my god! I can’t believe I just said that. She responded in a positive way, slightly laughingly, not really surprised by what I had said, but nervous nonetheless.

I can’t remember every detail after that. It was 11 years ago. But we ended up making out on the couch. I had never made out with a woman before and I was struck that each of us was waiting for the other to lean in and be the ‘giver’ of the kiss, while we both sorta were passively waiting to receive. And just to kiss someone different than my husband was weird. Little lips. Taste. Smell. Response.

I couldn’t wait to get in her pants. Really. I can’t believe how badly I wanted her. But I wanted her. I didn’t give much thought to my husband sacked out in the bedroom, dead out from drinking too much with his golfing buddies. He did cross my mind, but I knew what I wanted and nothing was stopping me. Plus he and I had talked about the dream and the possibilities that could be created in a foursome scenario. So on the edges of my consciousness, I told myself he would be okay with it. It wasn’t like I was sleeping with a man, after all. She was my best friend.

My hand plunged down her pants and she was so wet it turned me on immensely. It wasn’t long until I had her pants down and was exploring her with my tongue. Again, like the kiss, I was in foreign territory, had never come close to doing anything like this before. I was fumbling and awkward. I opened her lips with my hand and just started licking all around, no rhyme or reason to what I was doing. She tasted musky, like my pussy smelled. She was taken slightly aback at my ferocity. But we were both feverish and moaning and on some sexual roller coaster ride that wasn’t stopping until it was over.

We enjoyed each other immensely that night, pleasing each other in an awkward and new, naive sort of way.  I was surprised at how intensely my body responded to her that night, and a whole new way of being Woman was opened up for me.  It was over after about an hour.  There really hadn’t been much foreplay, unless you consider the fantasizing and tension and sexual innuendoes of the previous two weeks foreplay.

I moved away and got ready for bed.

She followed my lead and left pretty quickly. I wasn’t embarrassed about what we had done, but I was ready to move on and not hang out. My feeling of “being done” sorta caught me off guard because all I had wanted that week had been her. I snuggled in to bed with my hubby and prepared what I was going to say to him in the morning, because we didn’t keep secrets from each other. I thought.

[Via http://isisidiom.wordpress.com]

Desi girl having Sex after meetup in a chat room

Wanted to share one of my most special moments that took place around 2yrs back,.. i was once getting bored a lot sittin at home, so i opened my laptop to sit n chat for a while online.. i was chatting for almost an hour, wen one person by a very intersting chat id pinged me sayin “HI”, i didn’t reply at the begining,but the thots that he shared in the next few lines although i hadn’t replied impressed me a lot.. i then closed other all chat windows n started chatting with him… we shared general thots on few common topics… we then decided to meet some day if he came down to Blore.. he said “im coming down on wednesday itself” which was 2 days later. He was here in blore as said on wednesday, he had some meeting in the branch office of the MNC he worked as a Asst.Manager of a software company.. he finished that n gave me a call giving details abt d hotel he stayed.. i met him there in the afternoon had a cup of tea, as we were talking i was able to catch his eyes checking me out, n as we by then atleast became gud friends he said “i had a good body structure”, i smiled n said “thank u”… After finishing our small talk he said he had got something for me as a first friendship meet n i had to come to his room to see it.. We then went up to his room..

The room was very beautiful with a nice fragrance… we were sitting n talking again sharing abt our backgrounds from where we came.. he then asked me to sit on the bed closing my eyes, i did so n he handed over a beautiful gift in my hand n he told me to open it.. while i was trying to open the gift wrap he was tryin to help me out.. the gift as kept on my thigh n while tryin to remove the gift he was gradually touching my thighs n his fingers were at times touching my breast.. i was feeling little nervous but i acted as if i ignored(although i felt little weird i smiled as he was a gud luking guy n i liked his way of talking). I felt that he got d signal that i liked him. After seeing the beautiful gift that he had got me i just couldn’t resist myself hugging him.. in that way my boobs pressed hard against his chest n while hugging me he held one of his hands on my butt n rubbed it slowly… i felt little more nice.. my deep breath hav him another +ve signal.. he then just luked at me n said again dat i had gud stats.. n he got his lips nearing mine n i started kissing me.. i cudn’t stop myself by the very soft way he kissing me that even i was flown with it..

After kissing for quite sometime kissin he was feeling his fingers all over my body over myclothes.. he then made me sleep over the bed n just removed his shirt, i was overwhelmed seeing his body.. i cudn’t resist n i removed my top too, now i was in my black netted bra n trousers.. he started kissing me from my neck gently n then lickin my ears, then came down till the cleavage n removed one side of boobs out n was started kissing it slowly n then ran his tongue over my nipple n circling around it he started sucking it gently.. while was doing that he removed the hook ofmy bra n my 36′ sized boobs just invited him to suck me more.. he then came down my navel n was kissing it n then slowly opened my trousers.. saw me wearing a black panty n kissed me over my panty… pulled it down n he sees ,my clean shaven pussy n smiles(i always keep it shaved)n starts giving light kisses on it.. he then stands n opens his pants n underwear n there pops out his 8″ dick which was shining.. he was decent enuf that he asked for an excuse went to the loo n washed it first, so even i tuk the decency to go after he came out to go n wash my pussy as it was already very wet n didn’t want to spoil the mood of such a wonderful intimate moment.. Wen i came he was knealing down next to the bed n held my hand n mademe sit on the edge of the bed n then told me to lay down..mylegs were down he seperated them n for a min or so he ran his fingers over my pussy n suddenly held my butt up wit his hands n was licking my pussy.. it was getting so uncontrollable that i started moaning n held his hair tight wit my fingers n was literally pushing his head towards my pussy n he was tongue fucking my pussy, i then couldn’t control n i leaked a bit.. he licked all myjuices n gave me a break of 2mins, i went n washed my pussy again got it dry.. i told him it was really nice n i wanted him to do it again in my way.. he smiled n said that he felt like as if the sex goddess commanded him.. i then told him to sit on the bed against the wall side n i stood up the bed took myself over his face n told him to get his tongue out, held his hair wit my fingers n got his tongue near my pussy n was rubbing my pussy against his tongue to n fro n told him to suck it,, it was such a heavenly pleasure that i was just about to leak again n i withdrew.. i then told him to lay on the bed completely n i started kissing him all over.. i came down till his dick n was playing wit my hand for a while n suddenly i started licking his balls first n he was like taken to7th heaven he said.. then slowly i licked his dick from the bottom to the top cherry n did so slowly covering all the sides of the dick n then from top of the cherry of his dick i tool the whole tool into my mouth n was sucking slowly first n then started increasin the speed.. he said he didn’t want to cum in my mouth.. i said i won’t let him do so.. he has his eyes closed n was enjoyin the feelin of his dick getting rubbed inside my mouth.. before he cud open his eyes i sat over his dick inside my pussy.. he opened his eyes in a flash i said the warmth of my pussy was great.. i then started moving up n down slowly at first n then increased my speed gradually n started pounding on his dick, the F******G 8″ dick was so very satisfying that my pussy didn’t want to leave it.. i was stroking up n down so much that my boobs were dancing heavily.. i then started moving sitting on the 8″ tool forward n backward.. told him that i wanted i leak so told him to get his body upwards n then told him to suck mynipples n while was doing that taking the pleasure out my, i was getting sucked n fucked at the same time.. then i leaked.. he immediately then turned me down to the bed without removing his dick from my heaven hole n started banging me in the missionary position first n then he turned me to doggie style n banged me even more hard.. he was holding my hair gently n in doggie style it was like he was riding me like a horse.. He then banged inside my pussy wit his dick knealing on bed n putting my leg on his shoulders.. he was then about to leak n he removed his dick n leaked on my stomach.. We were so tired after that…the whole one session took to 45mins..

We then washed ourselves n fell flat on the bed for a while wen my eyes struck upon the clock n then i wanted to leave as i was getting late.. he then thanked me for making his day n kept on kissin me as i was wearin my clothes back.. he too then got ready.. hugged me n said he felt bad that he was leaving the next day afternoon n wanted to meet me at airport if i didn’t mind..

I went back home n was thinking all night abt him.. then next day afternoon i met him at the airport right on time.. he again handed over a small gift to me n smiling said ” i shall meet u again soon”… we till date keep in touch wit each other.. But the first meeting can’t be forgotten till date.. (Indian Sex 4u, 2009)

[Via http://lesbianes.wordpress.com]

Annie on My Mind

Garden, Nancy (1982). Annie on My Mind.  NY: Farrar, Straus, and Giroux. 234 pages.

Liza lives in Brooklyn Heights, an upscale area of town with her mother, father, and brother, Chad.  She goes to private school, Foster Academy and wants to go to MIT to study architecture.  She meets Annie at the Metropolitan Museum of Art.  Annie is from Brooklyn, and lives with her mother, father, and Nana.  Annie goes to public school and hopes to get into UC Berkley and continue her studies with singing.

The two girls do not have close relationships or distinct friendship with other teenagers their ages in their respective schools.  After they have been hanging out together for a few weeks Annie admits that she is gay and falling in love with Liza.  Liza is suspended for not reporting another students dangerous behavior at school and while she is spending her suspension away from school she realizes that she is also in love with Annie, but had not known her sexual orientation before becoming friends with her.

Shortly after her suspension, Liza is cat-watching for two of her teachers who are on vacation.  Since she has the house to herself and time off from school she spends all day, every day with Annie at the teacher’s house.  The girls take this time to get to explore their relationship and get to know each other better.  It is at this time that an administrator from Liza’s school realizes what she is doing and reports her to another administrator.

Liza must tell her parents what happened between herself and Annie.  She must also face the Board of Trustees and explain herself.  The Board finds her outside activities to be irrelevant, but fire the two teachers because of their sexual orientation.  The two teachers, Annie and Liza talk about the situation and how Liza and Annie should not let this negative experience dampen their love for one another.  Liza is eventually allowed to go back to her school and finish out her senior year before heading to MIT.

While Liza is at MIT she allows herself to think about Annie and the reader discovers that they are reading a letter that has yet to be mailed to Annie from Liza.  Liza calls Annie from her dorm and hopes to reunite with her over winter break.

Hook: This book is a real story about two females that fall in love with each other and the trials and tribulations they must face together and separate in order to overcome negative feedback from their families, their schoolmates, and Liza’s educators.  I was disappointed with Mrs. Pointdexter, the headmistress of the school, who continually looks for ways to challenge the children that go to the school she is in charge of, as well as, critique the relationship of Liza and Annie although it has nothing to do with their schoolwork.  The book was published in the early 80s, but treats homosexuality as something dirty, or a disease.  I think this book is a good gateway book for teens who might be struggling with their own sexual identity.  Also, because almost 30 years have passed since the first publishing of this book a reader can see the significant strides that society has taken in respect to GLB rights.

Welcome...

For my first trick…

Hi everybody! I’m writing to you from a confused heart.

What to say about myself… I am an ever changing, evolving human being that wants to be loved by the one thing my religion believes is wrong.

Trying to find a happy median between faith and homosexuality.

Wanting to be happy with every part of me and not just a small portion of myself.

This is what I will be writing about.  My thoughts on christianity, morals, homosexuality, my sex drive, and things of that matter.

This blog may get R rated but I will try to keep it PG for I’m not coming on to be crude or filthy but more of my journey and where its taking me.

So here’s the first post.  We will see where this world is deciding to take me!

Till later lovies!

~RoMa

T.I.T. Podcast Episode 47: A Sunny Day in November (Vidcast)

Hiya guys!  I was sitting here thinking today that I hadn’t done a vidcast in soooooo long so I recorded a quick one when i had a spare moment at work today.  I sort of ramble on about what’s up with Tom at the moment, but that isn’t anything new to the Tom in Thailand is it?  Sooo….without further ado…..please give it a watch and comment, comment, comment!  Much love to you guys from the heart of Thailand and will put out a proper podcast soon!

Email me at tominthai@gmail.com, please go Comment on my page or call my voice line at 1-206-426-2152 and leave me a voice comment for the show!

Download Tom in Thailand: Click Here | The Freak Network | The RainbowPodSquad

Subscribe to Tom in Thailand in Itunes: Click here

T.I.T. Podcast Episode 47: A Tuesday Vidcast

[video http://media.libsyn.com/media/tominthailand/November_vidcast.mov]

Hi guys!  I was sitting here at lunch today, and the mood struck me to hammer out a quick vidcast for everyone.  It has been ages since i did one, so I ramble on for about 1o minutes about life in the Chang.  Hope you enjoy and will do a longer cast later in the week!

Email me at tominthai@gmail.com, please go Comment on my page or call my voice line at 1-206-426-2152 and leave me a voice comment for the show!

Download Tom in Thailand: Click Here | The Freak Network | The RainbowPodSquad

Subscribe to Tom in Thailand in Itunes: Click here

Mental Health and Lesbianism

I knew that I was depressed before I knew that I was a lesbian. I will likely never be totally sure which feeds more into which. I was almost 23 when I had my major breakdown and just turned 24 when I realized I was queer. I dunno. It’s just weird to me, that there was such a disconnect. I have to wonder where my sexuality fits into the map of my mental health. I didn’t really date until I was about 22 but from there I had a series of physical encounters but never formed an emotional connection.

Perhaps my decline in mental state has something to do with the fact that I am basically a lover and sex without emotions causes stress on my need for intimacy to achieve desire. On the other hand, I was almost always at least somewhat reluctant to have sex. I love to talk about sex endlessly. I will flirt and be the tease, but the physical act of sex has always been somewhat hard for me to get into without connection. I am especially reluctant with guys, because, although I thought I was attracted, I was never really very interested in sex with men.

I want to clarify. I was never raped. Not ever. My consent was always fully obtained. However, the small (very) number of men that got past basic making out with me had to employ some very persuasive tactics to get me into it. My consent was never enthusiastic really. How could a lesbian enthusiastically consent to sexual activity with a man? I never knew why I was hesitant, something inside me just always said that it didn’t feel right.

I broke up with guys cause it didn’t feel right. I even pretty much cheated on a guy, cause it didn’t feel right. Nothing has ever felt right. At the same time, I sought out fleeting or more casual encounters with men. I could go through the motions of heterosexuality. I love to kiss; I will make out with anybody. Kissing for me is just a closeness and a fun connection.  And going further on wasn’t that hard.  I was good at phone sex, and I knew how to masturbate, so that wasn’t that hard either. From there it would start to get to gray areas and I would sort of lose interest.

Even worse though was evidence of some sort of emotional attachment, I ran from that faster than a fat chick runs toward free cake. And I can say that cause I am a fat chick and free cake is one of the few things I will run for.

So the point is, I don’t think that there is a direct link, but I must recognize that my discomfort with my sexuality prevented me from finding the comfort of a relationship with women, likely the only sort of real relationship I could be happy in. So, my loneliness as a depressed person was definitely exacerbated by the fact that I was so discouraged that I couldn’t ever seem to find someone to connect with. I have still only ever really connected with the one person, and she did not connect with me, so I dunno what that means in the end anyway.

ACLU must be scarier than lesbians

The Examiner reports that after initially threatening to cancel prom because a lesbian student asked permission to bring a female date, Alabama’s Tharptown High School officials are reconsidering after the 17-year-old student, Cynthia Stewart, got the ACLU involved.

The ACLU and Cynthia Stewart, you are my heroes.

And to the homophobic bigots whose first reaction was to cancel prom rather than have a lesbian couple there: What is so freakin’ scary about a gay couple? Really, I just don’t understand.

I Like Porn (Fourth Hit)

Holy shit. Look at me go.  Look at the dates to my last posts…think I have a few items I’ve been waiting to get off my chest?  For Christ’s sake!  No one’s even seen the blog yet!  Or ever, or whatever.  Who really cares.  If you’re reading this, you’re another person on the journey to my self-reflection and I’m sure you’ll eventually be disgusted with me.  Then again, you’ve probably seen some worst shit on the internet.  I’ve never shit on anyone’s chest.  Truth.

On that note, I like porn.  It’s not an obsession or anything.  I’m not too sick.  I’ve got enough skeletons without someone having to tap into my browser history to find yet another one. The first time I saw porn was when I was home sick alone as a girl.  My TV picked up Playboy, but it was a grainy, ghetto cable sort of signal that just told me I was doing something wrong. That, and there were bouncing, grainy breasts on the screen.  I remember thinking….”WOH”.  I remember it being the first time that I felt sexual.  I got off my first time then, too.  It sent shock waves up my spine and every hair on my body stood up.  My body said “WOH!”, and it hasn’t said anything remotely close to that since.  Come to think of it, I think the signal disappeared a few weeks later.  I popped my cherry with my hairbrush when I was 15 to a similar signal on a night without the ‘rents around. That, or it was my first boyfriend fingering me…I remember wondering which one it was. Both hurt and were in the same few weeks.

I watched porn with my first love.  He had a video that he got as a “gag” on his 17th birthday.  We’d watch it and fuck and masturbate in front of each other.  Then we got experimental and made our own.  God, I wish I kept it.  We had a good, long relationship for the most part, despite the yelling and pushing and jealousy – okay, maybe we were just really good together in bed.  Very comfortable.  Plus, I had a great body in high school.  Anyway, when we broke up, there was this super awkward moment when I was standing at his bedroom door reeling the magnetic tape out of our amateur video.  I kept pulling it out further and further, and he just stood there.  I was heartbroken and so was he.  I felt like I was physically destroying the memory of us.  I know he hasn’t had that good of sex since.  He started dating a girl right after me and I started dating some guy.  There’s nothing as good as all those “firsts” and I’m sure he knows that now.  I know I do. He emailed me recently to see how I’m doing, but just like the grainy cable porn, it’s another lost signal.

These days, I find myself watching hardcore, light s&m, lesbian, gang bangs…anything that seems like it will never happen.  It’s because it feels like they’d all be “firsts” for me, in a way.  Because I’ve never tried those things, I still have a fantasy about what it would feel like. I know kissing a girl was just as good as I imagined.  Sex was too.  The problem is, once you do it, it starts to define you.  It’s no longer a voyeuristic tendency.  You become the judged.  Now I consider myself bisexual.  Just like that.  The “curious” aspect was erased as soon as her lipstick was pasted on my neck.

Late Night Rendezvous

Though she insists that she’s been open to me about what she’s been doing/feeling the past three and a half months, she really hasn’t and she keeps trying so hard to sweep it all under the rug.  The other night, she went through my phone while I slept and deleted a few emails that contained the incriminating evidence I have against her – see “Evidence” above.  She keeps insisting that nothing ever happened, and in those three months of seeking, she never once was intimate in any way with anyone else.  She, who “LOVES sex, didn’t touch another person over three and a half months of seeking sex.  She has also been very suspicious, being extra nice and loving, like she’s hiding something.  She made me breakfast in bed last weekend, and last night she made me her world famous extra delicious lasagna shich is my favoritest dish in the whole world.  She’s also giving me a deadline on when we will start trying to have another child.  All this is great, with the exception that she’s been looking for something else for the past three and a half months, and I think she still is seeking.  She say she isn’t, but I think she is.  She is Facebook IM’ing every night for over two weeks between 1:30 and 3:00 in the morning – all of which I know we both have went to bed earlier than that.  So that means she’s been waking up to have late night Facebook rendezvous with someone every night for the past two or more weeks.  She is so done with me.  I am such a fool.

Whistle Bait

Whistle Bait is a 1950s-set lesbian erotic romance from my fellow loveyoudivine author M. King. I can highly recommend it.

Blurb: When Betty’s drive-in movie date goes sour, help comes from an unexpected source. But, in the stifling Midwest of the 1950s, young ladies are not supposed to ditch their dates for other girls….

Betty Shaw’s best friend, Lois, is the type of girl Betty’s always envied—not that she wants to admit it. By turns flirtatious, controlling, and downright manipulative, when Lois drags her to a double date at the movies, Betty can’t say no, and she ends up in a whole world of humiliation. Yet, just as she thinks the night can’t get much worse, Betty meets Paula, and everything starts to change.

Excerpt:
Her shoes sank into the boggy ground, so much softer now than it had been when they arrived, and she knew Ricky must be getting out of his side, too, but she couldn’t see anything except the rain and the black-and-white ghosts of the movie flashing back off row after row of parked, wet cars. For a moment, Betty thought to go to where Hank’s Buick was parked and hammer on the window for Lois, but—like almost every other couple here tonight—she knew Lois probably wouldn’t even hear her, and besides, right now the thought couldn’t cut through Betty’s gut-deep fury. This was all Lois’ fault anyway, and she would never, ever forgive her.

Ricky was out of the car now, making his way toward her, his hand gliding along the hood as he used it to keep his balance. The rain slicked his skin, the silvered light of the screen flickering over him.

“Betty! Come here…don’t be stupid!”

A defiant, ragged noise—not quite a scream, not quite a cuss—broke from her mouth, and she ducked back between the rows of cars, running as fast as she could with the mud and puddles splashing up her legs, pulling her back down with every movement. Betty yelped at the feel of her garter belt snapping, one of the clasps giving way under the strain. She pushed on, past the oblivious shadows in the faceless cars, and she was vaguely aware of the blurred flash of neon that must have been the concessions stand, and that must mean she was close to the way out. Betty had no idea what she’d do or where she’d go once she did get out, but that didn’t seem to matter, because she was just running and running, and she barely noticed the figure she collided with until it was almost too late.

She hit at speed, and the other person cried out, and then before she knew what had happened, Betty had hit the ground, her ankle turning out awkwardly and her hand grazing painfully on a sharp stone. The shock of the impact winded her for a minute, and she sat there, dumb and blind, shallow breaths coming fast, high in her chest.

“Are you all right? Hello? Can you hear me?”

She looked up, blinking into the rain. Somewhere, a low rumble of thunder rolled, the yellow underbelly of steel-gray clouds painting the evening sky. A faintly familiar face frowned down at her in concern, and then the girl from the concessions stand was kneeling at Betty’s side. One warm, gentle hand came to smooth back the escaped tendrils of her hair, and Betty felt all the makeup Lois had so lovingly applied sliding in the rain. It stung her eyes, but all she could see was Paula, her mouth moving and odd, disjointed words coming out.

“Come on. You come with me. I’ll get you cleaned up. Can you stand? Oh, that’s right…there you go. It’s not so bad. Come along, honey, this way.”

Betty stood, wincing at the flare of pain in her ankle, wiping her palm on her borrowed dress before she realized she’d left a smear of blood behind. A torn garbage bag—Paula must have been carrying it when Betty cannoned into her—had disgorged its load of crumpled paper cups, soiled napkins and old food onto the muddy ground, and Betty thought for a moment she ought to stop and try to help tidy up.

Paula tugged at her hand. “Don’t be silly. Leave that. Come on…that’s right, you lean on me. We’ll take a look at that ankle, too.”

Obediently, Betty limped where Paula led her, around the back of the concessions stand. She pulled back the already dislodged chain link and ushered Betty through, into the alley that lay beyond.

“Go on, it’s all right.”

Betty ducked nervously beneath the wire and glanced around. Though a little glad she hadn’t had to walk past all the cars, she had no idea where this dank, dim place opened out to, nor how she was supposed to get back to the bus stop. Just follow the road, she guessed, though the thought of trying to walk anywhere right now made Betty feel sick.

A set of steps led up to a brick wall—the back of the diner they’d passed on the way in—and an old wooden door. Confused, Betty just stood there, hugging her arms to her cold, wet dress, her whole being useless and stupid.

Paula took a key from her pocket and unlocked the door. She glanced at Betty and smiled. The rain had flattened that glossy high ponytail considerably, damp rat-tails framing her face.

“It’s okay, I’m not kidnapping you. This is the diner I work at during the week…you might have seen it on your way in. I’m always telling Mr. Menkin he could make more money staying open on weekends, but he’s a stickler for Shabbat. Come on.”

Available direct from loveyoudivine: http://www.loveyoudivine.com/index.php?main_page=document_product_info&cPath=6_56&products_id=558&zenid=d9dc82bb717f7ebd8385931d6f78c876

Also from AllRomanceEbooks.com: http://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-whistlebait-82917-182.html

 Fictionwise: http://www.fictionwise.com/ebooks/b95403/?si=0

Kindle:  http://www.amazon.com/Whistle-Bait/dp/B002NGO42Y/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=digital-text&qid=1257510887&sr=1-1

 MyBookstoreandMore: http://mybookstoreandmore.com/shop/product.da/whistle-bait

 1RomanceEbooks.com: http://1romanceebooks.com/womanlove/whistle-bait/prod_638.html

 Check out M. King’s loveyoudivine author shelf: http://www.loveyoudivine.com/index.php?main_page=index&cPath=6_56

About the author:

M. King lives and works in a damp, verdant corner of South West England, where she may usually be found behind a keyboard and a vat of coffee. Under various pseudonyms, she writes a wide array of vibrant, compelling fiction, ranging from hot erotica to mainstream and literary fiction, frequently with a strong GLBT focus.

You can find more about M. King and all the people she is at www.flippedfrogcollective.com – where authors, and worlds, collide.

 More M. King links:

 Website: www.flippedfrogcollective.com

 Blog: http://lavengra.wordpress.com (hosts rambles and author-to-author interviews)

 Twitter: www.twitter.com/mkingauthor

 Facebook: www.facebook.com/originalcinnamon

My Lesbian Loves by Kay Addams (Novel Books, 1964)

A reprint of either of the two Secret Pervsions, not sure which.  I have not seen a copy of this, but wanted to put it up for viewing pleasaure.

Other Kay Addams “as told to” Orri Hitt Novel titles:

My Night with Nine Nudists

Cherry

My Two Strangest Lovers

all published in 1963, so Hitt was on a five-book Kay Hitt rampage.  These titles, plus another novel called American Sodom, are hard to locate.

'Utopianism for the powerful'

The Atlantic blogger Ta-Nahisi Coates reacts to cries of “bigotry” after the election results in Maine:

Conservatives pride themselves on their skepticism, and generally dismiss liberals as soft-headed Utopians. But in so many ways, political conservatism is Utopianism for the powerful. It isn’t broadly skeptical of human nature, so much as it’s broadly skeptical of people its agents don’t particularly like. Hence the sense that Americans are intrinsically “good people,” that this country “is the best nation that ever existed in history,” that the South is home to “the greatest people that have ever trod the earth,” and that the murder of four little girls in Birmingham was the work of a “Communist” or “crazed Negro,” which had “set back the cause of white people.”

Hence the notion that those voting against gay marriage, are not actually, in the main, motivated by bigotry, but a belief in tradition and family. But very few people would actually ever describe themselves as bigots. We think we know so much about ourselves. This is a country–like many countries–which is deeply riven by ethnic bias, and gender discrimination. And yet we don’t seem to know any of the agents of that discrimination.

I think the description of political conservatism as “utopianism for the powerful” is apt for some conservatives, but it doesn’t explain why so many non-powerful people are conservatives; for that I think you have to look at their power brokers — very often very wealthy (hence, very powerful) religious leaders. In ways subtle and overt, these politically conservative religious leaders manage to convince their unquestioning, blind-faith followers to vote not only against their own economic self-interest by voting for conservative candidates, but also to vote for politicians who support policies that violate their own religious tenets, things like loving your neighbor as yourself and the assertion that you will be judged by how you treat the least among you.

It’s a pretty nifty trick, and but one that cannot work when religion (and assertions about it made by self-appointed religious leaders) is not exempt from rational criticism. It’s why that two-word dictum — Question Authority — is so important. But it’s not enough; you also have to scrutinize the answers you get, looking for fallacies. If more religious folks asked their pastors and priests questions like these and accepted only those answers that held up to critical thinking, we’d have a vastly reduced religious right wingnut contingency:

• Pastor, why don’t you rail against people who eat lobster or who wear clothing of mixed fiber, or who cheat on their wives like you rail against same-sex couples?
• Father, why do you oppose health care reform even though it will help our poor brothers and sisters get access to health care?
• Father, why was the doctor who performed an abortion on a 9-year-old rape victim excommunicated? What about the rapist who got her pregnant? What about the thousands of molesting priests whose crimes were hidden instead of reported and prosecuted?

And that’s only a few public policy-related examples — the list doesn’t touch the tons of non-public policy contradictions contained in just one “holy,”allegedly infallible text.

Ask questions. Scrutinize the answers. Do not exempt religion from rational criticism.

Bouncer uses unnecessary force to remove gay man at guerrilla queer bar

This month’s Cincinnati Guerrilla Queer Bar event took place at Million’s, sibling bar to Mount Lookout Tavern. Not unlike the first queerings past, men where not allowed to dance on the stage or poles, resulting in the use of force against a gay man.

Many men were asked to leave the stage and were pulled down by a bouncer. Some tried to resist, but it wasn’t until a pair refused to leave the stage that the situation began to escalate, as evidenced in the video below.

The victim was escorted out of the bar, but was quickly allowed back in by the manager, giving the man and his companion complimentary shots. After this, no more men were escorted off the women-only dancing stage.

When questioned, a man who identified himself as one of the managers of the bar said, “It is just the policy of bars in this area [to not allow men on the stage].”

Bouncer slams gay man at straight bar

It's Personal

I don’t live in Maine.  I’ve never even visited there, so why did it feel like a punch in the gut when I heard that they had voted down gay marriage there?

It means that a lot of people went to the polls just to say that people like me are inferior, that we do not deserve to be treated like normal people, that we are so despicable that it’s right for murderers and rapists to have more civil rights than we do.

It doesn’t matter what kind of life I live.  It makes no difference that I tutor children after school and volunteer at our local hospice.  It’s irrelevant that I’m active in my church and in my neighborhood, that I’m a good neighbor who shovels the sidewalk of the elderly man next door.  Nothing I do can atone for who I am.

It doesn’t matter that I’m a middle-aged white woman, that I have a disability, or that I am a teacher.  No other aspect of who I am can override my indelible scarlet L.

A lot of people went to the polls in an off year to say that people like me are not valued.  That hurts.  It’s personal.

 

Karma is sweet

Even if hypocrisy and false morality make up nearly 29 percent of the real seven deadly sins.

The Newark Star-Ledger reports that another holier-than-thou type has a sex scandal. This time it’s Sarah Palin’s buddy/beauty pageant contestant/marriage inequality advocate, Carrie Prejean. Turns out the tape’s existence squelched Prejean’s frivolous lawsuit against the Miss California organization.

Google Sued For Discrimination

Google is being sued by James Bara, a Georgia-based former employee for sexual and religious discrimination in violation of the Civil Rights Act.

From TechCrunch:

Lawsuits can be the source of all sorts of surprising and off the wall stories and this one, filed by a Google Atlanta-based former data center employee takes the cake. In the lawsuit, which was filed on Oct. 29 in a federal court in Atlanta, the former employee, James Bara, alleges both sexual and religious discrimination from his superior.

While it doesn’t sound juicy, the stories that Bara tells are. Bara was initially a contractor for Google’s Atlanta office, working as an assistant in the Data Center. After six months, he was hired by Google as a full-time employee. According to the complaint, all was rosy for the next two years until a female transgender employee joined the group Bara worked for. Bara’s boss, a woman named Pam Sohn, allegedly made inappropriate comments about this woman, and ridiculed her sexual preference.

From InformationWeek:

In his court filing, James Bara, a practicing Wiccan, claims that a manager in Google’s Atlanta office, Pam Sohn, made numerous jokes about the sexual orientation of a female transgendered employee who joined the company in July 2008.

“I informed Ms. Sohn the remarks were inappropriate and she stopped making them,” he says in his discrimination complaint. “Shortly thereafter, Ms. Sohn began making inappropriate comments about my religion.”

Bara’s complaint then describes a series of escalating human resources complaints and alleged workplace retaliation.

He charges that he began being treated differently in the office and was required to be in the office when female workers were not.

3EB made me a political youth

Last night some great people and I went to a Third Eye Blind concert. While listening to their extended greatest hits (every song) on the way back via the best invention since the internet, the iTrip iPod combination, I realized how I’d forgotten the most glorious three word pairing Jenkins has ever proclaimed musically:

“Young gay Republicans.”

It makes me smile. Yes they do exist.

In Washington today there is a referendum, R-71, that is up to a vote. If passed it will grant privileges to domestic partners, both gay and lesbian couples as well as elderly heterosexual couples, that have previously been reserved for married couples. These rights and protections include permissible domestic partner hospitalization visits, should one person become ill, and access to hospitalization care for children of domestic partners, should a biological parent not be present in an emergency.

A video series on the ACLU’s website shows 7 reasons why R-71 should be passed to protect domestic partnerships – all can be found on Youtube. Here are two stories.

If you live in Washington, please vote to pass R-71 today. The 6265* domestic partners, young, gay, republicans or democrats… will thank you for it.

* http://www.secstate.wa.gov/corps/domesticpartnerships/