When i left Colorado after my first trip out there, i was filled with love and sadness. i felt fulfilled, yet empty. It was definitely bittersweet for me. As He drove me to the airport, we discussed the future of our relationship. i agreed to be His and L’s girlfriend and we “shook” on it. We also discussed the requirements and rules that i would be under should i decide to ask to continue to wear His collar.
Basically the rules applied to my sex life. He was gracious enough to allow me to still continue to have anal sex with other men, as He knew that giving that up would be a HUGE sacrifice for me. But there were rules governing such actions. i was not allowed to engage in anal play with anyone bigger than Him, and i was not allowed to have rough anal sex with anyone other than Him. i also had to ask before i had sex with any other man, and if i wanted to go out of town to see someone or if someone wanted to come into town to see me, it was fine as long as He was my priority. i also had to agree to see Him and L once a month.
As we got closer to the airport, i thought about these new rules. They really didn’t seem all that bad or hard to follow. i would have to get used to asking to have sex with other men, but i was sure it was something that i could handle, as long as He said yes often. When we approached the airport, He stopped in the 45-minute parking lot and parked the car. He motioned for me to come and sit in His lap and i did. i asked Him if He was happy and He said that He was “immensely” happy but that He was also very sad. i asked why and He said that He did not want me to go, and i heard His voice crack a little. i gave Him a big hug and kiss and held on tight. After a long hug, He looked around and we debated whether we could get away with me orally pleasing Him before my flight. After a good laugh in that regard, He said that we needed to get going and i crawled back over to my seat.
When we reached the airport, He helped me get my bags out and i stood by the open passenger door and waited for Him to hug me goodbye. As He approached me, i asked Him if i needed to take “that” and motioned towards His small silver collar. He stated that i had not asked for it yet and i stuttered a little bit. He instructed me to say “Sir, may i please wear Your collar?” and after a couple of tries stumbling over my words, i asked properly and correctly. He proudly took it and placed it around my neck and fastened it with the lock. He gave me a huge hug and kiss and picked me up and i wrapped my legs around Him. He then turned and smashed me up against the car and kissed me passionately. The bell hops at the curbside check-in booths clapped and whistled. He turned around and said “Thank you” to them and put me down.
As i made my way through the airport i couldn’t help but smile. i knew that something special had just happened, and i had a feeling that my life would never be the same.
And it wasn’t.
My first week as His subbie was blissful. He called me every day, and our chats got stronger and closer. I began to write a story about my trip out there and our time together. It was very long and detailed, and He loved it, which made my heart soar with pride and satisfaction.
That next weekend He had a friend come in town for a visit, and gave me permission to have sex with His friend on Friday night. The next day, we had a long and intense conversation. The only problem is that i was stuck without a ride home and ended up on the other side of town with some friends.
That next day, i woke up to a text from Master saying that He did not wish to speak to me until He had calmed down. This sent my heart slamming into the floor. For the next 10 hours or so, i stressed, worried, cried and was absolutely terrified of losing His love and affection and just as importantly, His collar.
Later that evening, He called and we discussed the issue. i had stated the day previously that i would come home and get on the webcam for Him and L, yet i had ended up all over town at the mercy of others and not gotten home until almost daylight, therefore disregarding what i had stated that i would do.
The entire day taught me more about submission, TRUE submission, than probably anything else. i learned just how emotionally invested i was in Him and L. i learned to never say that i was going to do something without the full intention of following it through. i also learned how much His collar meant to me. i knew that i wanted it very badly when i left the airport the week before, but i never really understood why. and i still didn’t. But i knew that having to take it off, and lose that significance and honor was devastating to me.
The next week was even better than the first. And my first time of actually “asking” permission rather than just being told that i had permission came about. The husband of another couple that has been trying to meet with me contacted me and wanted to meet up. They already knew about His collar, and who my Dom was. And they were not only fine with it, but extremely respectful of it. Master gave me permission to play with them but on the condition that i finish my story about Him and L. i eagerly agreed.
Three days seemed like plenty of time to finish my story, but due to work, kids and the complexity and length of the story, i was only able to finish day 1 before the scheduled time that i was supposed to meet the other couple for my date.
i sent the story to Master and explained that i had finished day 1. i got a hard lesson that night. While i went ahead and got ready, He began to text me and asked me what my offer of compromise was to Him for not fulfilling my task. i offered up two options, one was to skip my friend’s birthday celebration afterwards, and another was to abstain from sex until i saw Master again.
He chose option 2 and i smiled happily and began to dress for my date. Within a few seconds, my phone alerted me that i had a new text and i opened the message. It was from Master, and it said, “To be clear, abstaining includes tonight.”
my entire world suddenly crashed down around me. i immediately began to well up with tears of sadness and began to shake from frustration. i did not know how to feel. i was greatly saddened, not because i could not have sex with the other couple, but because i suddenly had to face the harsh reality of accepting a punishment for the first time. It was hard. One of the hardest things i have had to swallow, suck up and force myself through. my stubborn side welled up in me, and i began to wonder if this was really worth it. Master was texting me, telling me that He loved me and that His punishment came from love, and with each text i became more and more emotional. i knew that He meant what He said, but i had not fully adjusted to the concept yet. i was an emotional wreck when i got to the couple’s house, but they were kind and understanding and patient and respectful. They understood my situation and it ended up not being as big of a deal as i had originally thought it to be when i first received Master’s order.
i left that couple’s house and called Master and eagerly reported that not only had i followed His orders, but that i had realized that He was gracious enough to let me see them despite the new restrictions that He had put on me. i spoke to L, and she sympathized with my plight, as she herself had been in my shoes many, many times before. Talking to her was extremely therapeutic for me. It was extremely comforting to have her, to know that she understood, and to have her insight to this new role i was in. Without her i am sure that i would not have been able to make it as far as i am today.
Those first two weeks were hard. Very hard. i went from being free and independent to being emotionally vulnerable and under the rule and reign of another. And even though i struggled and stumbled along the way, i made it through and learned very quickly the true meaning of being a submissive. It was not just bondage and collars and sex, it was respect and love and truly allowing someone else to make decisions for you based on a mutual trust and honor that reached beyond anything i had ever felt before. And i was even more determined than ever to take my role seriously, and not to disappoint Master anymore. I wanted more than ever and more than anything in the world to make my Master proud of me.
No comments:
Post a Comment